My how life has changed....

So many things have changed since my last post! rainbow #2 was born :) His name is Lucas! He was born 7/13/2014 and he is a joyous blessing! This is a picture from a few days ago when he turned 6 months old! MY HOW TIME FLIES! Life with two kiddos is C R A Z Y ! But I wouldn't change it for the world!

Right before Lucas was born I FINALLY got my first smart phone! Well THANK GOODNESS I did! Cause let's face it - um - not a WHOLE LOT I can do with a baby napping on me other than read or search online LOL both which can be done from my smart phone! Smart phones need smarter batteries but whatever haha! I LOVE MY PHONE! ;)

So I am a Facebooker big time! On it all the time - love it - in all honesty it is how I stay connected with life because this mama does NOT leave the house pretty much at all - I am not equipped to handle these two out and about by myself - I mean if I HAD to I could but I don't have to so I don't leave often. Anyways.... One day I was popping around and I see I was added to a Lash group or something. I was like umm okay... ignored it and then every day a new amazing picture was popping up in my newsfeed of before & after pictures of women's eyelashes! I have always liked makeup but never been a HUGE makeup wearer BUT I ALWAYS have wanted amazing eyelashes. Always trying new mascara that is supposed to have amazing results. OF COURSE they always FAIL miserably and disappoint me!! So after 6 days of seeing these pictures I finally take the plunge and buy some...there is a love it guarantee if I don't love it I can return it for a full refund! COOL!

So I get it a week or so later and try it and WOW I was so impressed!!! These were MY results below! Crazy stinking awesome! SO I posted on my FB timeline and asked if any friends would be interested if I had a party.... at least 10 were SO I was like well I gotta have a party....Then I thought about it - looked at the awesome kit and was like hmmm I wonder what it costs to sell. So I looked. $99 well geesh! I can sell the mascara I get in the kit because I already bought one....that gets me $30 back so yup I'm gonna sell it - worst thing that can happen is I just pay my kit back - break even - have a ton of awesome makeup. So 4 days after getting the mascara I was a presenter! CRAZY AWESOME!

Even cooler than that? The FB group of ALL the women in my team was AMAZING about helping me learn how to start selling! They are the FASTEST GROWING DIRECT SALES COMPANY EVER!!!!! Want to know why? SOCIAL MEDIA! Most presenters do ALL selling online! So I am a stay at home mom and that is HUGE for me! Every other company out there does in home parties. You CAN do those with Younique but you don't have to... So I have been LOVING it! I have a chance now to EARN A CRUISE TO JAMAICA! Whhhaaattt!? Yup and I am super psyched! Anyone who signs has the possibility to earn the cruise. We have until May 31st! Well so I just NEEDED to share how great this company has been for me - here is a video of the application of the mascara AND another quick one about how it has changed my life in so many ways!!!

My demo video

How Younique has changed my life!

So I LOVE this company I LOVE this decision I made and I can't wait to see where it will take me!

I have my FB page and page to join my team etc. in the column on the right. Check it out! Please feel free to let me know if you are interested!

Get great lashes!

Find out more about joining my team!

Riley, Peyton, & Cameron,

Mommy & Daddy miss you so very much! I think about you every day and I know that you watch over your brothers! Please love each other and give Nana hugs and kisses for me! One day we will all be together but until then I know that you are watching over all of us! I love you sweet babies <3

The BUSYness of motherhood

I haven't blogged in FOREVER. I am a busy mama nowadays with a very active 2 year old and I am also pregnant with rainbow #2 and in my third trimester so I am more than a little exhausted. LOL

But I am blessed.

I feel like a sign with that statement on it placed throughout the house would be helpful some days. As in life without children - you get stressed - well it happens just the same with children. It is a HUGE blessing to be a stay at home mom but sometimes it is rather stressful. It's hard to see our house get all messy because I am enjoying time with my little boy. I feel like I am being a horrible housewife but being a great mommy. Surely that is more important BUT after days of little things piling up in the kitchen it becomes quite an eye sore and then I get stressed. UGH.

I went to see the movie "Mom's Night Out" last night. I highly recommend it. There is a touching part where the main character says she isn't "good enough" and another character basically says "For you, you mean." THAT really hit me. My little Logan loves me with all his sweet heart (and now my pregnant emotional self is tearing up), and my husband loves me. I think that I just need to love MYSELF a bit more. I think often as mothers WE are our worst enemies. It is hard to LIVE where you "work". I don't mean that to sound like I view my child as a "job" so to speak but if you are a stay at home mom I am sure you get my point.

When you have a job outside your house and you don't get something done you know that you have to do it when you go back to work. When you are a stay at home mom and taking care of your child(ren) and the house is your job you pass by EVERYTHING that needs to be done ALL THE TIME. It is just plain exhausting and some days it is a bit much for me to handle. There is always something that needs to be done. Maybe it is amplified because I am pregnant and nesting and a bit looney. Who knows. But sometimes it all just overwhelming.

We finally accomplished a HUGE thing in our house. We turned the front room into a playroom! I have been wanting this for almost 2 years, since we bought this house, and it is DONE. I am thrilled.

Front room: BEFORE(if you look closely there are 3 orbs - 2 by the curtains one by the shelf)

AFTER: Flooring redone and crap cleaned out

AFTER: other side of the room - my 31 items for parties, and a church pew & place for shoes

LOGAN sees his new playroom! HE LOVES IT

So if you take a look at that BEFORE picture. I had time to get about 1/2 of that stuff looked through (maybe more) and either thrown out, or stored at my parents (as we have NO attic AND no basement here so virtually no storage). Well the rest that couldn't be looked through is now in Lucas' room (rainbow #2 who I am currently pregnant with) and his 8 x 10 room is STUFFED with crap. So now of course I am stressing about that getting done. So I will slowly work on it and get it done and then hubby will look through his part and life will carry on. BUT I want it done LOL. Like NOW. If only it were that easy!

Also, Logan is starting Early Intervention as he is still barely saying any words. He still doesn't even say mama or dada! Basically just Oh, No, and Hiya. So anyways those appointments for speech will start soon I hope. Which adds more to the schedule. HOPEFULLY it will help me keep the house tidy (since people will be in it more LOL) and also help my little love muffin TALK - FINALLY!


Well, for now that is all. Just a little busy mommyhood talk. If YOU are a mommy, whether stay at home or working out of the home....remember YOU can only do your best. Somedays that is better than others but YOUR child LOVES YOU!

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOURSELF! And give yourself a whole lot of grace for those days when you feel like your life is a big ole mess. Most likely you are the only one who sees it that way. So love yourself a bit ladies, take even a few moments for yourself and remember JUST BE YOU. You are ENOUGH!  <3

If you are a mother still waiting to have a child.... (((hugs))) to you. The journey is not easy for those of us who have dealt with loss. YOU need to give yourself even more grace and love. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. I miss my heavenly babies EVERY day. That does not change but I wish and pray for you that you will one day hold a baby in your arms.

XOXOXO
~Jess

Riley, Peyton, & Cameron,

Mommy misses you. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. You are always in my heart and often I see pictures and wonder how different those pictures would be, how different life would be if you were here with us. I believe God gave us little Logan who's heart has SO much love, so much sweetness (he just came over and hugged me when he saw me tearing up just now) and maybe a large part of that comes from the three of you. When he jabbers on and smiles into thin air in the playroom I often wonder if he sees you Cameron and you are speaking a twin language with him that only you two can understand. When he runs around I wonder if the three of you are there with him and only his sweet little eyes can see you. I think they can. I think he sees you often. And that warms my heart. Please give Nana a huge from me. We miss her dearly as well. I love you sweet babies. ALWAYS <3

Cup of Kindness...

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day so as we remember our sweet babies I thought it would be a good day to do a post about the need for a bit more kindness....

Through the past 3 and a half years I have gone through a lot. I have aged a lot. I have learned a lot. Most assuredly I can say that we should view the world differently. Everyone should view their surroundings, their situations, and peoples attitudes differently. EVERYONE is going through SOMETHING. Maybe that is why that guy was a jerk to you in the parking lot. Maybe that lady was snippy with you because her mother just passed away. MAYBE that person is 1 in 4 and they just lost a child.

YOU NEVER KNOW

We can't presume to have any idea what those around us are going through. Just because there are people like me who ARE vocal about their loss doesn't mean there aren't thousands (the majority I imagine) who suffer in silence. If you have experienced a loss and have a blog or Facebook account and mention your sweet little ones gone too soon then you are vocal to an extent. BUT I am sure there were many times that you suffered in silence. Whether it be someone asking "is this your first baby" or "do you have any kids" or "isn't it great to have one boy and one girl".... and you choose not to say anything about your angels. We all, I believe, suffer in silence at points.

So do those around us. So do those we don't know and may never know. I TRY to remember this when someone is snippy with me in line getting groceries or rude when I bump into them by mistake with my purse. I try but I fail sometimes, especially when they are rude while I am driving ;)

Nonetheless my point is I wish people were less judgmental to mothers like me who have lost their children, but also just to people in general.

I feel like as a babyloss mom there is extra guilt in parenting. I am probably the one causing that guilt and I am sure ALL mothers have it to an extent. But I feel like Logan is my sweet, precious, cuddly miracle boy and I often think I am not a good enough mom. That I don't do as much as I could because this is all new to me. Then when I DO feel like I am being a good mom my house is a giant pile of stuff everywhere. So if it's not guilt for one thing it's guilt for another.

Speaking of guilt and judgment..... what is WITH PEOPLE? Why does society believe that being a stay at home mom is a luxury or that it is lazy? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!? Let me just let you know I am NOT against parents working - I am not against daycare, etc. we ALL do what we have to do. HOWEVER I feel stay at home moms are constantly judged. I would like one of these judgmental idiots to set foot in any mom's house of one child (let alone MORE than that) and then tell me we have LUXURIOUS lives or that we are LAZY! Also you may think well you could use more money, why don't you work? Well - daycare is CRAZY expensive and there is no way I am going to work just to make enough money to pay someone else to watch my son.... nope, not happening.

If someone ever asked me "What do you DO all day?" I think I may slap them - or at least I would LOOK like I was about to slap them! Being a stay at home mom is not a job, it is a blessing but that doesn't mean it's EASY! For one you NEVER have time off....even during naps because you know what? That's when the dishes, laundry, and all that fun cleaning get done because there's sure no time for that with a toddler running around like a cute little monster! There are very few times I get a break - by break I mean NO errands to run but just enjoying myself seeing a movie or going to dinner. I usually try to get out with my husband once a month but that doesn't always happen. In the last 17 1/2 months I have gone out with a friend(s) maybe 8-10 times. And really that is LUCKY (and I know I am blessed to have those moments) But, then there are those that judge how I spend that little time off. That 5 hours a month when I go out with my husband.

Why all the judgment. Why do people feel they have a right to judge people? I am a good mom! Am I perfect? No! Is anyone?  NO! So unless you TRULY have a reason to judge someone - don't - get off your high horse and realize PEOPLE ARE ALL DIFFERENT! I don't judge those who have daycare or leave their child with a sitter or relative all day long during the week so I don't expect to be judged because I stay at home. Every now and then I leave the house with only SOCKS on Logan's feet (oh the horror) when it's nice out - - when he was younger there was even a time (GASP) I went to the grocery store quick with him in pjs! OH GOOD GOLLY how awful! Do I think there are people who would judge that? YEP! Do I care? I don't want to....but yea if I could tell someone was judging me - I would care. That's the joy of mommy guilt.

So with all that said - take a minute - WE HAVE ALL JUDGED SOMEONE - and we will ALL do it again even if just for a brief second before we mentally slap ourselves. It will happen. When that time comes take a good look in the mirror, search your heart.....most likely you will realize that judgment was uncalled for - if there were more people taking a breath and THINKING before they say judgmental things or stopping themselves from giving a judgmental glare wouldn't a few people's days be just a bit brighter?

I think so....

Here's some pics of me and sweet Logan....

“For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
 For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
 For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
 For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
  People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
 As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.”
― Sam Levenson

Riley, Peyton, & Cameron,

Mama and Daddy love you SO MUCH! We miss you every day! I know that you watch over your brother....thank you for that <3 I wish I could hug you all. I wish you were here. But, I know that you are happy and living it up with Nana and all your heavenly family. Give all those little babies hugs. Many mamas and daddy's hearts are hurting. Send us all some peace and know that you are loved. I will hold you in my heart forever sweet ones....until we meet in Heaven.  ~Love, Your Mama

Lessons this "Mommy of a toddler" has learned so far....

(LONG TIME NO POST! Yikes!!! Haha! I have been a busy bee with my Thirty-One business....more about that another time....)

I have a couple friends (and my sister!) that will have babies within the next 4 months or so! Baby central around here. And then there's crazy lunatics like me starting to wrap their heads around having another one sometime! Haha! I looked back through my posts from when Logan was first born till he was about three months - oh how I dread that the next time around with a toddler to take care of too! YIKES!

I have learned a lot through raising Mr. Logan the past 16 months or so. Basically the most important thing that I think I can say is ALL CHILDREN ARE DIFFERENT! I have heard many mamas say before that we should just take the books that they make telling you the milestones and what your child should be doing at this month, week, day, etc. and just throw them out! I agree IF those books are making you overly worried. If you can read those milestones and understand that it IS okay if your child is not the same as what the book says then ok fine - but those books should in no way be your Bible for child rearing and what not!

SO with that said.... differences in children.... Logan got his first tooth at 3 months!!! Very early! He's been growing those suckers non stop ever since. I have a friend who's baby barely had one tooth when she turned ONE! They are ALL DIFFERENT!

Logan rolled over once each way then NO ROLLING AT ALL until 8 months old or so and then he was literally rolling across the room! He didn't start crawling until after he was one and didn't start walking till her was about 15 1/2 months and he is still a little bit of a drunk walker LOL! BUT this mama KNOWS that her boy is just fine!! He hasn't said a first understandable word yet but he babbles a ton.... and again that is OKAY!

Anyways my main point here is sometimes you just need to IGNORE what all those other kids out there can do and realize that if something were really wrong YOU would probably instinctively realize it before some random other parent! Same goes for in laws and your parents....just because THEY raised you or your significant other does NOT mean that they know whats best for your child!

So to any mama out there reading this.... if there are any ;) KEEP YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH! YOU ARE DOING AN AWESOME JOB! We all raise our children the way we see fit and you know what? THAT is great! We need to have unique children not children all raised the exact same way to be the exact same people. God made us unique! The best thing everyone can do is embrace their own individuality AND their children's individuality :) If we were all the same the world would be a boring place!

With that said LOVE UP those moments with your kiddos and do your best to not feel guilty for taking time for yourself and let the freaking house get messy for goodness sake - because really if it's not hurting anyone WHO CARES :) 

Riley, Peyton, and Cameron,

We love you sweet babies! Mama and Daddy think of you EVERY day! Watch over your brother and hug your Nana and Aunt Alice <3

Comedy night routine

Soooo last night (and many nights sometimes) I feel like I am in a Rom/Com scene of some movie about a couple with a baby.

Now were this to be in a movie I would laugh. Is it funny when it happens to me? Ummm NO!

SOooo poor little Logan is teething :( boo for us but obviously OUCH for him - poor dude. Nonetheless it has SERIOUSLY screwed his sleeping up! LIKE WHOA! His last bedtime (his long stretch of 5-8 hours depending on the night) is anywhere from 1am to 3am lately. So that sucks - nuff said.

Last night little one was FULL of energy at like 2am  I was all like Logan it's sleepy time and he was like HEHEHEHE giggle giggle bouncing on my lap and kicking away. He wasn't having it LOL! So my husband had just gotten home at like 1am (he works 2nd shift of 4pm to midnight) and he headed to bed leaving me with my LITERALLY bouncing bundle of joy!

Finally around 3am the little dear zonked out after having a 4 oz. bottle. So I take him upstairs at like 3:30am making sure he's FAST ASLEEP. I go to lay him in the Rock n Play in our room and I can't figure out WHAT THAT SOUND IS! I lay him down and realize it is my husband. SNORING! Ugh! Soooooooo LOUD! Not cool cause ummm I'm tired! So I go to the bathroom come back and nudge him (which is like trying to wake a hibernating bear!) and he finally looks at me with huge not happy eyes:

Nate: WHAT?
Me: You are SNORING you have to turn on your side
Nate: Yea yea ok

he starts to sleep again STILL on his back and starts snoring again
***I nudge the hibernating bear AGAIN***

Me: Babe I NEED to sleep it is 4am please turn on your side!
Nate: WHAT?

(he's deaf when he wakes up I SWEAR - it's ridiculous! I wear ear plugs and I hear better then him!)

Me: I have told you already you NEED to sleep on your side or I will NEVER sleep! People can hear your snore in CHINA!
Nate: *gets out of bed* I have no memory of you telling me this...

he goes to the bathroom and come back in bed and lays on his back AGAIN - at this point I want to smack him! I poke him lightly

Nate: WHAT? You scared the crap out of me!
Me: I barely touched you ya lunatic I told you to sleep on your side you're snoring!
Nate: *rolls his eyes* fine!

he rolls on his side - not even 5 minutes later STILL SNORING (this doesn't happen often - usually only when he's sick so I hope THAT isn't happening) I nudge him...

Me: You are still snoring does one of us need to go down on the couch?
Nate: *mumbles* No *starts snoring again*

I tried to nudge him to get him to go downstairs - no dice.
So I was like whatever and I left. I go back upstairs at 9:30am with a SERIOUSLY sore back and:

Nate: What happened?
Me: I pretty much got no sleep because you couldn't stop snoring and you IGNORED me and wouldn't go downstairs so now my back is all messed up again AND I need more sleep!
Nate: Oh.
Me: I pretty much wanted to strangle you last night - just so you know.
Nate: Oh wow!
Me: I am going to sleep till like noon so leftovers for lunch!
Nate: OK.

he takes Logan downstairs. UGH my rom/com moment was SO not cool!

Ever had a similar situation?

this was not taken last night LOL but on a night where I got MUCH more sleep ;)

The love of our lives....

I just wanted to write quick and say I am sorry for my lack of updates. I can't TELL you how many times I WANT to write.....but life is crazy - with a 4 month old and packing to move to the new house things are rough. 

Here's a few pictures.....

HAPPY 4 MONTHS!

TRYING TO ROLL OVER!

BIG SMILES!

TIME WITH MOMMY!

HOPEFULLY I WILL BE ABLE TO UPDATE MORE SOON ! :)

So big SO fast....

Some days I look at Logan and I swear he looks different then he did an hour or two before hand. Like he went to sleep and woke up bigger... it's crazy....

Oh how I love my boy!!!

Riley, Peyton, & Cameron, 

Mommy and daddy love you so much. It's sad that we don't get to see you grow up but we know that you are taking care of each other and that Nana is loving having grandchildren to love up in Heaven. Tell her that mommy misses her very much and so does grandma. We will always love you sweet babies...watch over us :)

Life as I now know it....loving every minute!

Things have improved greatly in the past month to say the very least. My rainbow has developed into quite the little sweetheart and is already showing so much personality! He began to sleep much better at the beginning of July which was certainly a blessing.

We wish that we could have Logan start sleeping in his own room but we can't run an air conditioner in both rooms so it would be far too hot - which is not safe for our little one - so he still sleeps in our room in his Rock N Play. I hope that when we can transition him to his own space he will do well. Given the coming changes in our life it's probably better to not move him now - he'll have a whole new HOUSE to get used to soon :) :) :)

THAT'S RIGHT! We bought a house (those who are friends with me on Facebook SHHHH don't say anything on my wall please!) :) No exact closing date yet but in the next couple months we will be out of this apartment and into our OWN HOUSE! I am so THRILLED to be done renting soon! The fact that it barely costs more for the mortgage then it does to rent is also a HUGE bonus :)

Soooo the surprises of mommyhood - my my there are so many!

I think the biggest one is the lack of sleep - "they" tell you to sleep while you can - blah blah blah as if getting tons beforehand will help you when you get none - not the case! I must say it would have been IMPOSSIBLE for me to prepare myself for what my body went through with all the hormone changes after having Logan let alone the added stress of NO sleep! It was a surprise and a crappy one at that. But as everyone (who at the time I wanted to slap - LOL) told me - it does get better. The 3 weeks or so have been a blissful time - sure there have been moments - but for the most part we are in a nice groove around here and mommy is loving it.

Logan has so many more smiles and is just such a character!! Another surprise is how FAST his personality showed up - just so darn cute! Makes every little second worth it. I could be in the WORST most sleep deprived state and when he looks at me with that genuine smile it just brightens my LIFE! I'm so blessed!

Doesn't that smile just make you melt!!!

So far I must say he is not to the age where I feel like I can get a whole lot accomplished AT ALL! I mean - no complaints - I LOVE hanging with the little dude but I am rather terrified of packing!!! Yikes! I hated it before I had Logan to take care of - it could be rather dreadful! Thank goodness for GREAT grandparents because man are we gonna need their help to get things done around here!!

I turned 31 on the 22nd of July and my boy turned 12 weeks :) Technically he will be 3 months old on the 29th! He's growing SO FAST!!!

Well I know there was more to say LOL but baby brain is ever present and my mind has no flipping clue what else I was going to write - sooooo for now enjoy this you tube video and check out my boy's personality in full swing :)



Riley, Peyton, & Cameron, Mommy and daddy love you so much. As we see Logan grow we are sad for all the moments we missed with the three of you :( Love each other with all your might until we can all be together

My MUST have baby items

Well this is a popular blog among moms out there so I figured I could join in, I mean why not right? ;)

Here is my list of items I can't imagine not having for baby Logan :)

***I am in no way being paid by any of these companies (I wish I was LOL) these are just my personal choices of must haves that I can't imagine not having!***

1.) Fisher Price Discover 'n Grow Kick and Play Piano (say THAT 10 times fast LOL)
This is an awesome item for Logan he literally loved every minute of kicking and playing on this thing for hours over the last couple of days alone! He LOVES it! I'm not a sports fan but this has me thinking he may be a soccer player LOL ;)

You can check out one of my recent posts for a video of Logan playing on the piano mat! 

2.) Fisher Price Newborn Rock N Play Sleeper (I SWEAR I am not working for Fisher Price LOL)
This is what Logan sleeps in PERIOD! If he's not sleeping on a human he's sleeping in this LOL. It was a necessity given his reflux issues and will be his sleeping area for awhile still - at least a couple months. We have the neutral version that could work for either gender :)

SO adorable I know ;) 

3.) Diaper Bag: Thirty One Gifts Organizing Utility Tote (the link takes you to a "review" of the item)
I LOVE me some Thirty One items and this bag ROCKS for a diaper bag! Lots of outer pockets and plenty of space in the center. Durable handles - trust me I put a lot of stuff in that diaper bag it gets HEAVY! I picked a cute bold floral pattern (kinda girly but hey I'm a girl!) but it is blue and green colors - I don't think Logan cares LOL

this is the fabric I have and the same bag but mine has different personalization on it

4.) MOBY - I love, love, love it! Now I personally MADE mine but it's still the same idea :)
Logan is a huge fan of the Moby :) To make mine all I did was get 5 yards (although I'm not a small girl so 5 1/2 yards would have been better) of 100% cotton fabric (the real Moby is made with cotton jersey I believe) and then I cut the width to 24 inches and hemmed all the edges. I also placed a little tag marker directly in the center of the piece of fabric - as the real Moby has that too to help with wrapping. I used this video to learn how to use it :)

EDIT**** we have now (7/31/12) also come to love the Beco Butterfly 2 baby carrier - it is a bit easier and quicker to put on and easier to feel secure now that Logan is over 12 lbs. and getting bigger by the hour it seems LOL here is a picture :O)

5.) Graco Sweet Slumber Sound Machine (with light)
This thing is fabulous! It has a light that you can push on at the top - which has been great if Logan makes noise in the middle of the night I can see if he's okay - I used to sleep with the light on but now I push it on if I have to check on him (he's still in our room sleeping in the Rock N Play). It make a variety of sounds we keep it on a white noise one that resembles a fan sound. You can also play lullabies that are on there or connect your ipod to it. Cool stuff! Also helpful to mommy who can't sleep when there's no power (as I ALWAYS have a fan on) so there's batteries in there in case the power goes out too (we used it once a few months before Logan was born when the power went out LOL)

6.) NUK binkie - literally ALL Logan will use!
Hilariously enough he REALLY seems to LOVE the frog one he has - it came in a pack of 2 but the other one that is JUST like it he spits out LOL - too weird - also odd since I LOVE frogs LOL ;) They are marked 6 months+ but seriously the kid will use NOTHING else - and they ARE supposed to be the best orthopedically or however you spell it ;)

7.) Diaper Champ (we have have an older version then this link shows but same idea)
This is a GREAT item! You don't need SPECIAL bags for it so we can use our normal garbage bags which is GREAT! With how many diapers this kid goes through this is a MUST HAVE for sure! Also it is really useful in keeping the smelliness contained so you don't have to take the garbage out every single day - especially nice given we live in a 2nd floor apartment. Anyways I can't say enough about how much the Diaper Champ rocks :)

8.) Dr. Brown's Bottles & Bottle Steamer
They DO have extra parts but I really believe that these bottles have been very helpful with not making Logan's gas issues worse :) The vent and straw which are the EXTRA parts help keep the air from getting into the nipple - at least that's what it says LOL. I only bought 8 oz. bottles - I don't see the point of the smaller ones - you'll only need them for so long anyways the bottles are MARKED with ounces so you can fill it with as little or as much as 8 oz. I bought a steamer from someone for $5 the link goes to the one that closely resembles it (and the maker is Avent). Until we have a dish washer it is FAR easier than boiling the bottles! 


9.) Rompers & Sleepers that ZIP up!
I LOVE one piece rompers! They are amazing! So easy and just - well - great - especially when it coems to changing diapers - just unbutton the bottom and BOOM change the diaper! ALSO I love onesies and snap all the way up because I am SURE I am not the only mom with a baby who does NOT like clothes pulled over his head (I hate buttoning them BUT I hate a sad crying baby more)! Sleepers that zip - same thing - diaper changing is easy and the ease of use is FAR better then all those dumb buttons (which are even HARDER to button when you are half asleep for middle of the night feedings)! 

zip up sleeper (and the beloved piano mat again)

ROMPER!!! 

10.)  Cloth diapers for burp cloths (from Wally Mart)
Ok so burp cloths they sell at stores - ya know the cute ones? Yea they SUCK! Or I should say they DON'T suck because they literally don't suck up ANY spit up! I mean honestly my SHIRT might as well be the burp cloth because those cloths are good for nothing but being cute - which is therefore USELESS! Sooooo I use tri fold cloth diapers that I got in a pack or 10 or 12 from Wally Mart for like $10 I think! They are GREAT and have saved many a shirt :)


11.) Fisher Price Cradle 'N Swing
Love this swing - first of all it is freaking CUTE and gives your baby little bunny ears when he/she is in it and secondly Logan loves it :) Other than the piano mat it is all I have that entertains him right now! It is GREAT because it can swing side to side OR front to back! AWESOME! Also the cute mobile moves around which Logan loves to watch - and there is a mirrored part that keeps his attention. There is also music and nature sounds available - though as another blogger mommy mentioned - the music does turn off after awhile which could wake some babies up and the mobile stops turning too!

Few other little things - gas drops (LOVE them), a carseat with a triangle handle (I find it MUCH easier to hold) that fits into a stroller - and a mirror for the car so I can see Logan while I am driving (I need one with a LIGHT though so I can see him at night!)

Edit**** (7/31/12) Logan LOVES baths and I recently got a little sort of chair insert for his infant tub! It is PERFECT because supporting his head while he kicks away and has a good time is NOT EASY so this has been a life saver :) THIS is the exact product we bought.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED! 

Riley, Peyton, Cameron,

Mommy and daddy love you and miss you SO much! We will tell Logan all about you! Riley & Peyton please hug and kiss Nana extra tight tomorrow and tell her how much you have loved her being with you for the past year and Cameron make sure to tell her how happy you are she was there with open arms waiting for you when you went home to Heaven. We miss you ALL so much! Hug and kiss Nana for me and hug and kiss each other from me and daddy and Logan! We love you, love you, LOVE YOU!!!!

Growing boy!

I realized after my last post that I never posted Logan's ONE month picture - so here they are to compare - along with some other recent photos.... I have things to talk about but I am too dang tired right now to do so ;) LOL and with the boy laying on me it would be too annoying to type much ;)

ONE MONTH

TWO MONTHS

check out my gun ;)

sleepy sprawler

he loves grandpas beanbag (don't worry a wide awake adult is ALWAYS right next to him)

he is now obsessed with his tongue

TOYS!!

Oh my how I love my boy!!!!!!!!

2 months!

My boy turned 2 months old last Friday :) He's so flippin' handsome! He got some vaccines on Monday :( UGH! Mommy did NOT handle that well...Logan did much better lol though he is NOT a baby that sleeps more after vaccines - yikes! Seriously when a baby is born you should lose all need for sleep!! Wouldn't that be great!?! Soooooo not the case however :( Eh life is still great! My mom and dad leave for camping for a week om Saturday and I am dreading the boredom that is bound to come while they are gone. With Nate working at night and (sadly) really no friends to hang out with life can be lonely around here. In this small town area there is not much to do either.... i digress... i love to hang with my boy but i think you all understand what i mean...i hope! A lot of changes are on the forefront... more to come about that in the near future :) All good things (and no - oh my goodness - i am not pregnant again!) ENJOY THE PICTURES!

SO BIG!

MOMMY & LOGAN!

DADDY & LOGAN!

Baby Love

Not much time to post today (as usual)... my boy keeps me busy and when he doesn't I have to do boring crap like clean bottles and do dishes (BOO!) HOWEVER I am sure these super cute videos will make up for my lack of words :) ENJOY!

Conundrum

I'm so sick of myself - I'm such a conundrum - my life is just one big freaking conundrum. A nonsensical ride through parenthood. I'm blessed to have Logan but also just so done with being tired. I
am happy my husband works nights but then also pissed he works nights because I get no help if Logan doesn't sleep in his bed at night. I am in love with my son beyond all measure but so mad that he sleeps better during the day then at night lately and I want to throw a little 1 year old temper tantrum right this very second. I love my husband for being a fabulous daddy and helping far more then many fathers probably do but I get frustrated because he certainly doesn't "get" the lack of sleep and energy that I have put into the last 7+ weeks.

If one more person IRL gives me advice and says "it'll get better any day now" or "I remember those days" I'm going to scream! I'm going to literally rip my hair out, throw my hair in their face, and then scream at the top of my lungs for them to SHUT UP! Give me some USEFUL advice because telling me it will "get better any day now" doesn't do crap for me - literally it is the equivalent of saying - "yep it sucks huh?" at least saying THAT would be a statement and not a piece of "advice"shrouded in complete crap.

As I write this I don't blame you if you hate me right now. I don't blame you if you think - "WOW what a horrible ungrateful mother she is!" I really don't blame you! I deserve those thoughts and honestly I think that of myself at least one to one trillion times a day. You know what I'd love? I'd love to sleep.... even more than that though I would love to not feel a whole heap of guilt for wanting  needing to sleep. Lately Logan will barely sleep solidly unless he is sleeping ON someone's chest. Sure, of course, you say - lay him down - he'll scream but he'll stop sooner or later - blah blah blah. Yea, ok, SURE take a guilt ridden mother and tell her to let her child scream for hours.... no thank you. Remember two posts ago? The kid screamed off and on (more ON then off) for practically 6 hours straight.... so please tell me what good will laying him down and letting him scream really do for me? Exactly - it will do nothing!

So please - if you read this and you have kids - tell me a moment when YOU were at your wits end! Tell me how you handled it.... if you dealt with this sleep issue what did you do? I promise not to complain about your advice in future posts I REALLY do want it! For extra credit tell me how one earth I am supposed to survive on 4 hours of sleep for the rest of my life....or until the magical day when "things turn around" (whatever THAT means)....

Well laid plans....

My husband and I just had our 4 year anniversary on June 14th and as I mentioned in the previous post we had plans to celebrate the following day. Well, life doesn't work how you think sometimes and sadly my mom ended up being very sick. We think with food poisoning. Although I was disappointed that our plans would be cancelled I was extremely worried about my mom! She, being the lovely person that she is, was so worried that I would be sick or Logan would be sick - because she was just over here hours before being sick. I told her there was no need to be worried because I was sure Logan would have shown signs of being sick already and I was feeling just fine (other than my normal exhaustion and somewhat nauseousness because of it - but that has become rather normal).

So given the change in plans and after being up all night with Logan who lately will not sleep unless laying on me or my hubby..... I decided I would take advantage of the time and get an extra hour of sleep. I woke Nate up, told him of the change in plans and said I was going to bed for a few hours. When I woke up, of course, I was still exhausted (when am I NOT?) but happy to spend time with Nate (my husband) and Logan :)

We ate lunch and then I ran an errand while Nate watched Logan. Around 6pm I was SO tired I could barely keep my eyes open so Nate took over so I could take a nap. He woke me up after an hour (as planned) and I went and picked up our dinners that we had ordered (fish fry - yum!). As I left the house I realized how extremely tired I still was - I picked up our food - and on the way home called my mom as I had missed her call during my nap. She is a fabulous mom and grandma and wanted to check in and make sure we were all still feeling okay. I told her we were fine but that I was just SO tired and I started crying. Then she started crying because she felt bad that she couldn't babysit so we could go out. I told her to not feel bad at all and that really it probably would have been a disaster if we went out because I would have been so tired and then I would have felt bad if I couldn't enjoy myself. When I got home with our food I was still crying and Nate of course was concerned and thought something had happened.

I told him nothing happened I was just over extended and beyond exhausted - it had been 7 weeks with no more than 3.5 hours sleep at one time! I was just done and had hit rock bottom with my exhaustion. So even though I wanted to be able to spend time with him and watch a movie (or the epic walk across Niagara Falls) he told me to go to sleep after I ate. So I did. I was not able to fall right asleep (crazy how your body even in total exhaustion can manage to be too worried or over think so that you can't sleep - UGH) but when I came out to go to the bathroom Nate suggested I take tylenol pm - so I did - went back to bed read a bit and fell asleep. I slept from about 10pm till 4:40am (with a couple bathroom breaks and checking in on hubby and baby). Then I came out and relieved Nate so he could get some hours sleep before we started our Saturday events. He is still sleeping now and though I am SURE I could have easily slept MUCH longer I am blessed to have had that 6+ hours sleep. My mom said she would be happy to let me catch extra sleep at night after she gets out of work a couple nights during the week so I am sure that will help too.

So yesterday was a change of plans for sure and this mommy needed that. Though I was sad to have to wait a week to celebrate our anniversary man that was a blessing in disguise (though I wish my poor mom wasn't ill)! I feel improved today although I admit I am already planning out a way to get some extra hours of sleep in tonight... we'll see how that works out.

Thank you for the comments and encouragement lately. I am sorry that I don't have more positive posts but mommyhood - especially mommyhood of a colicy baby - has really hit me lately. Yesterday when I was so upset from being tired all I could do was feel so guilty because I just wanted to SLEEP! I love my baby boy with all my heart but wow he is tiring and I am very glad that my husband is so hands on and was able to give me that time off to sleep. The little one actually let me put him in his rock n play for a bit so I am going to TRY to rest before I wake hubby up. Much love to you all - please pray that I get a better handle on my sleep and on handling my little screamer. Even more please pray that his colic not last much longer. I feel so bad for the little guy and there is nothing I can do for him - which I HATE!

Surviving....

"Hold your breath, make a wish, count to three...."

No , sadly folks we are not in the chocolate factory with Willy Wonka! This lyric started playing in my head as I laid in the recliner with Logan on my chest asleep....man did I have to pee but the poor guy needed to sleep so I was staying put dang it!! Let me tell you when he woke up to eat and I got to pee that was GREAT lol :)

He wasn't as bad yesterday (or so far today...fingers crossed and prayers said). I hear colic comes in blocks - a few bad days, a couple good, repeat..... today (6/14) is my 4 year anniversary with my hubby...while we didn't see each other much today tomorrow we have plans :) thank goodness for my parents! My mom has helped SO much and they love to babysit and we NEED time together especially with the sleep issues lately!

Thank you to everyone for your loving comments on my last post. I am sure there will be more frustrating posts to come but for now I am just feeling blessed to have wonderful parents, an amazing husband (who thank goodness - works nights or i'd never sleep), and a baby in my arms to snuggle!

Hopefully Logan will be kind to mommy tonight and at least let me sleep 3 hours like last night!!!

Mommy mayhem

If you stopped on by hoping to read a fluffy post please refrain from reading.... ALSO please do not judge me and leave me a nasty comment - I have to approve comments so your attention seeking - need to slap me in the face with a rude bs remark - will get you nowhere....move along if you plan to be THAT person...

With that said life has been rough lately. Please do not take this as me being ungrateful for my rainbow Logan because I am VERY grateful! I love him with ever fiber of my being but when you get no sleep for days on end your rope to reality becomes rather frayed.

"I am a horrible mommy" has been playing through my head like a skipping record for days now. Logan screams.... he SCREAMS and SCREAMS and for no reason. No dirty diaper, not because he's hungry, not because he needs attention.... he just screams. He's often tired... I mean you would be too if you were 6 weeks old and has 3 freaking 30 minute naps in a span of 7-8 hours! But I mean MY GOODNESS you would not believe how much and how loud he screams and he doesn't just get tired and pass out! He JUST.KEEPS. GOING! It's unreal! Yesterday was the worst. He was like this over the weekend but my husband was home. Well yesterday he worked so from 3pm on it was just me....I cried. I cried a lot because, well, it hurts my heart to not be able to help my son relax. It makes me feel like a horrible mommy.

Yes, mind you, I realize that I'm sure this is colic and it's hit it's peak of horrificness (yes I know this is not a word) and that this is not my fault.... but tell that to an over-tired woman who for 9 months dreamed of bonding with her baby. Dreamed of a screaming baby that no one could soothe until MOMMY picked him up. Well, dreams they were, that's for sure. I know this is a stage. He will "grow out of it" blah blah blah... Well you know what? I'm going insane!

Here's how yesterday worked - 3pm awake and screaming - ate - still screaming - gave him a bath (he likes those) - then more screaming - slept for 30 minutes - then awake for hours - more screaming - tried to play - didn't help - ate again then slept 35 minutes - then awake for hours - more screaming - another bath (again he likes that so he calmed down) - more screaming again - finally slept another 30 minutes... More screaming until at 11pm he goes to sleep until 2am - my husband feeds him and he fell asleep at 3 - he brings him to bed at 4am and Logan's awake again at 5am! I feed him, he falls asleep at 6 - I take him to bed at 7 he's up at 7:30... I wake my husband up at 8am and finally get to sleep from 8:30-noon. Without that last 3 1/2 hours I don't know WHAT I'd do! Thank goodness my husband works nights! Since then he has slept a 30 minute nap and was screaming in between but has been sleeping 2 hours so far laying on me. I know, I know - I should lay him in his bed - well SERIOUSLY after the time he has been having I just want the child to sleep! I feel awful!!!

So at 5am I was just miserable I figured after not sleeping all day he would HAVE to sleep at night! Not so much..... so I was just crying, just SO tired. I don't blame the poor kid, he's just a baby but I need to sleep too! And you can't very well "sleep when baby sleeps" if he only sleeps 30 minutes! Rather useless to sleep 30 minutes! Seriously wondering hoe people manage to have a bunch of kids! I can't imagine going through this with a 2 year old in the house too! Just terrifying!

Last night I was searching blogs of other BLMs who had their rainbows before me - looking for some help for the 6 week age... well apparently their babies weren't colicky because I found no help. Which just made me feel worse - the equivalent of googling an ailment - just not helpful in the least. So I am just geared up and terrified for another scream filled day. I pray that this is just a baby who really needs to poop or something like that because they say colic can last up till 4 months and I can't imagine another 5 weeks of this..... pray for my sanity. I was finally feeling like things might improve.... friends told me it gets better at 6 weeks and then all hell broke loose right when it was supposed to "get better".

When I did get my moments of sleep I actually had dreams that someone cured my screaming Logan problem... only to wake up to screaming Logan and realize it was only the warped reality of my dream where he was cured and there was still nothing I could do to help.... :*(

He's so precious to me and I hate to see him so upset! Please pray that things improve. I love the poor little dude and I just want him to be a happy little snuggly baby again!

In other news... I posted HERE about my Nana who passed away 7/15/11 from cancer. My papa is now marrying one of her (well his too I suppose) friends in August. I am really hurt by this. They started "seeing each other" 3 months after my Nana died and while I KNOW my Papa loved my Nana that just seems extreme. They were married over 50 years so yea I know he's not used to being alone but my goodness!! UGH! This just really hurts my heart and the idea of her being around on Christmas which was SUCH a huge important holiday for my Nana is just horrible to me.... when my mom told me I cried (she didn't know that) - I can't imagine how my mom is handling this okay because I certainly am not. I can't imagine her EVER being Logan's grandma! Anyways... that's just been hard.... 

Hubby did get a promotion though and we have been preapproved for a loan for a house that we plan to start searching for.... hopefully things will continue to improve!

Riley, Peyton, and Cameron - 

Mommy and Daddy love you so much and even though your brother is a handful we wish you were all here with us. We will always miss you and love you! Please give Nana hugs and kisses we miss her dearly too!

The past couple weeks....

Logan's birth announcement - I made it myself!!! :)

When "they" say a baby changes everything, "they" aren't kidding! Now I have no idea who THEY are - but you get where I'm coming from....everyone always says get your sleep cause you'll never sleep in again! Go out and have fun, because that's all about to end. Enjoy some movies now because it will be all cartoons soon. Blah blah blah so on and so forth. You get the gist.....

First off I don't see how getting plenty of sleep before I had Logan helps me now that he's here...it doesn't that's dumb advice LOL... Secondly, I find it VERY hard to believe that we will never be able to go out and have fun again - sure we'll miss our son but I think it's important to a marriage for the husband and wife to have their time together....so those that gave that advice I simply ignore....I digress.... people MEAN WELL they just come off as making parenthood seem like this horrible slavery to your child. It's weird.

Nonetheless, the past couple weeks have not, I repeat, NOT been easy. I know, I know, who expected it to be? Well, I didn't expect it to be as difficult as it has been. A lot of this of course is do to lack of sleep. Men you see have this way about them, or at least my husband does.... he can sleep like a rock! Well, I certainly CAN'T - not even a little bit. I was a light sleeper BEFORE Logan was born - and it has not improved. Every little noise he makes can wake me up. We tried the crib and for one time per night (for only 2 hours total on 2 nights) he managed to sleep then that all went away. People say to let them cry it out and soothe themselves and I may be able to do that in the future but not now. I worry about my baby and this mama can not handle letting him bawl his eyes out. Just. Can't. Do. It.....not yet.

So when we brought Logan home the idea was to put him in the crib when he slept/napped....as I mentioned that did not go well. So then I was sleeping in the living room with him in his swing for a few nights. He seems to need to be on a bit of an incline (probably do to reflux issues....I'll explain THAT in a minute) so my sister said our two friends (who also recently had babies) LOVED the Rock N Play.... so THAT is what we got :) that is what he currently sleeps in and boy is that a lifesaver! We can have it in our bedroom unlike the massive swing which was NOT coming back and forth down our hallway! So it was nice the past week or so to actually sleep in our bed again. Still though the first couple days it was a bit hard to sleep because babies move a lot in their sleep at times (Logan does for sure!) and those little movements and noises wake mommy up. Alas, I am getting used to it and sleeping better through all that.

Another thing that really was hard to handle was coming to the realization that I could not breastfeed :*( I was (and still am) rather upset about that. When I was told to give up and do formula it was a day or two filled with many tears. I wanted what was best for my baby and he was such a good nurser and I felt like it was some nasty trick that my milk never came in. That yet again my body was betraying me. Well, when Logan was about 12 days old I called my doc and asked if there was any chance my milk would come in. She said given everything I had tried: pumping, consistent feedings, medicine, etc. that if it hadn't come in yet then it wasn't going to.... so I got out the formula sample container the hospital gave us as a "gift" and gave him his first bottle....crying the whole time. It was an exhausting couple of days and very hard for me to deal with but for the most part I am quite fine with it all now.

Last Wednesday all hell broke loose....maybe a bit dramatic but let's just say it was NOT GOOD! Little Logan was spitting up (more like throwing up as it was SO MUCH formula) so much - at a couple different times he soaked right through all his clothes in a matter of seconds. It was coming out his nose, he would scream in pain. IT WAS TERRIFYING!!! So I called his pediatrician and they brought us in and he wasn't worried because Logan gained weight. Well the rest of the day he would barely eat, didn't sleep good, and still was spitting up a ton. So the next day I called back and said something needed to be done! So the doc told me I could change his formula. We changed to a broken down formula for sensitive tummies. He started improving quickly - ate more, slept better, it's been great!! The doctor wrote a script so that the formula would be covered by WIC which is a real blessing to say the least! It's specialty formula so it's expensive and while I (OF COURSE) would have paid for it no matter what to make Logan better it is nice to have some help with it too!

Sleeping is still a bit of an issue for me. My husband wants to put Logan in his own room but I just don't have that in me yet. I think I'll be able to handle it when he's closer to 2 months. With the scary spit up situations and what not I just can't handle something awful like that happening when I'm not RIGHT THERE to pick him up. I'm a worried mama and I knew that I would be. I have been waiting years for my baby boy and I reserve the right to be a worried mother!

It has been rough - my friends who recently had babies tell me it gets easier...we shall see. I know that I will survive this... I love being a mom but the emotional turmoil is not something that one can be prepared for and I admit it's a bit much for me at moments. My husband doesn't have to deal with the crying or middle of the night feedings, etc. like I do and sometimes I just get aggravated and I am relieved when he is here so I can just hand him Logan so someone else can try to calm him down. Now, mind you, this is not a day to day problem there are days when he is perfectly lovely but there are days when he gets FAR too tired and screams because of it. In moments like this when he ate a ton, diaper is clean, he's getting plenty of snuggles, no temperature, etc. and he STILL cries... those are the moments where he just has to calm himself down. I hate those moments because I feel like a failed mom that I can't calm my baby down. The first fail moment was breast feeding and then the screaming and then the not being able to let him sleep in his room. UGH! It's hard to not beat myself up and then I read articles that say "you need to get your rest because babies can't bond well with a burnt out mom" well GEEZ THANKS! So now not only am I emotional and tired but this freaking article makes me feel like my child won't love me unless I'm well rested. Guess I'm screwed... or they're idiots.... we'll go with they're idiots for sanity's sake! PLEASE don't take this post as a complaint and me not feeling blessed for my baby boy and my wonderful new life. I just wanted to update the reality of what I have gone through. I am in no way depressed, nor do I have the baby blues, I'm just a new mom realizing that it's not easy....

Well, that's the update for now everyone. Little man was grumpy an hour ago and shall soon wake up to eat.  Hopefully his constipation will go away with the doc's advice. Poor little guy doesn't poop for a day or two and then POW tons and tons of poop! Sometimes it's rather comical like when I changed his diaper and as soon as I go to change it he starts grunting and KEEPS GOING lol! He's quite the character and his poop grunts are beyond hilarious ;) although I feel bad cause it must hurt the poor little guy! Either way here's hoping a big poop is coming on so Logan can feel relieved! Here's also hoping that it happens when I change his diaper - as his daddy is a wimp and would probably wake me up to do it which would NOT make me happy!

Lastly, I can't believe my little man is already over 3 weeks old!!! YIKES! On a positive note....I now only weigh 5 lbs. more than before I got pregnant - woo hoo!!!

My baby all snazzy for Mother's Day

After his first sponge bath

More pics coming soon....I am far too tired to upload them right now!

Riley, Peyton, & Cameron,

Mommy and daddy love you and miss you and wish you were here to love Logan. I know that you send your love and peace to us daily and I hope you feel our love for you. I'm glad you have Nana to love you because it helps mommy feel better that someone so VERY special to me gets to watch my most special angels. One day we will meet and be one huge happy family... until then hold each other close my loves and give Nana hugs and kisses from me, Logan, and mom (your grandma) EVERY DAY! I love you all more than words could ever say and sometimes the loss I feel is just overwhelming. Your brother is a blessing and I thank God every day for him but you all will always be missing from my heart and I will always carry you in it. As my favorite book says "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby(babies) you'll be." I've read that to your brother recently and I can't get through it without crying. I hope you can hear me reading it to, that way it's like I'm reading it to my whole family. I love you my angels... and I always will.