Tuesday, January 19, 2016

 The things I wish people NEVER EVER SAID!

**READ ENTIRE ENTRY before you get all high and mighty**

1 - First thing no one should ever say..... ANYTHING to degrade someone's appearance EVER
**you're too skinny, fat, dorky looking, gawky, awkward.... etc. etc. RUDEEEEE**

First off let's get something straight! EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL! You are ALL freaking BEAUTIFUL! I don't care if you are 100 lbs. or 600 lbs., I don't care if you have acne, or think you are freakishly tall. Or that your nose is too big. You know what. YOU are the way YOU are meant to be in this moment! God made us who we are. Can we alter that, sure we can. But we are all
B E A U T I F U L!

 1) Societies views of BEAUTY are beyond psychotic. It is sickening and sad how quickly children think they are too fat or feel bad about themselves. Sickening. Adults are teaching them these socially constructed ideas....WE NEED TO STOP THIS. Teach our children to LOVE EVERYONE to see beauty in all people. STOP the judgement.

2) We are adults - and we are the worst with this. People who are hearing these degrading words likely have called themselves that or thought that EVERY DAY! People know what they look like, know what people think. I wish we could all see how beautiful we were to those who love us. I wish we all knew that. I hope for even ONE moment that beauty is shown to each and every one of you through something, someone. You deserve it. 

3) Life is beautiful. Life is good. Life is SO MUCH MORE than our looks. The sooner we can see this - the sooner there are more beautiful days to share with others....


Easier said than done - heck yes!

2 - "You are SO lucky to have it EASY and get to be a Stay at home mom..." Add to that "Oh you JUST have X amount of kids...."

Mothers deal with a LOT - WAY too much to be honest. As a stay at home mom we get the glory of it all (sarcasm intended)!  We deal with far more than most AND on top of that we have morons thinking we are living the high life not having to work. 

1) Many moms would like to work - would like to get out a bit. Childcare is expensive. Logically many stay home because why on Earth would they work just to pay someone else to raise their children.... and then there would be judgement for THAT.

2) It is not EASY by any means being a stay at home mom - it is WORK lots and lots of WORK. To the point where honestly I find it hard to relax...when most people leave the mess in their office they can forget it till the next workday....not me because I LIVE WHERE I WORK! So I am constantly reminded of the failure to clean the counter, do the laundry, do those dishes in the sink... so on and so forth. NOT FUN PEOPLE - NOT FUN!

3) Stop saying JUST in regards to kids. EVERYONE has different things to deal with as a parent. We all have different things to deal with in regards to our children. So by saying JUST it implies that we are lazy our somehow doing something wrong by not having/wanting more children. It is not your right to assume that you know how many kids anyone should have NOR should you assume they CAN have more children - you may have hit a VERY tough nail there with that simple saying and seriously put a dark cloud over someone's day. THINK.

4) Stay at home moms have the most under-appreciated, overly glorified job known to the world. Here anyone who is NOT a SAHM thinks it's the bee's knees AND we get paid NOTHING. We have the hardest job that literally NEVER ends. We are at our job 24/7 - no sick days, no vacations, no personal days. On call ALWAYS.

5) If we are seen in public it is somehow shocking our child(ren) are not tied to us.... and then if daddy is with them he is praised for being so great to BABYSIT..... um he's not babysitting - they are HIS KIDS - and also - my so easy job I do EVERY day is someone now massively noteworthy for him? Crazy.... I would say so (no qualms on my hubby here - this is not his doing and I DO appreciate those moments of grocery shopping to not have to take an unwilling child - but I think you get my point)

6) As a stay at home mom it can be VERY hard to feel like you lost that part of you that felt useful bringing money into the household. To lose that part of your identity. To be seen as someone taking care of the house, the kids, the husband. It can begin to feel almost demeaning. It's hard

I digress....I could go on and on

(in the same respect lets not judge working moms - we all do what we need to do. Just don't judge in general - I just feel being a SAHM is too glorified...when in reality it is NOT easy!)

3) "Why are you so emotional, sad, just wake up and BE HAPPY"

Mental illness is a huge epidemic. People view suicide as weakness. It is often the result of a mental illness. The sad end to a person who could not handle what their brain and body were put through. It was not selfishness. It was not the easy way out. It was not any of the awful things people say and think. 

1) There are SO many mental illnesses. The most commonly heard I imagine is Depression. Been there. Terrified DAILY (literally) that I will become depressed again. There was no cause of my depression. It literally seemed like I woke up one day and I was sad. UNbarably sad. I sought help. Went through some hellish, awful times, and improved. But I still get sad. For apparently no reason. In those moments I fear that sadness won't send. It''s terrifying. It's a constant struggle. But I am so happy to be who I am. To not be labeled "Depressed" anymore. But that time taught me more than anything DON'T JUDGE mental illness. You do not have ANY idea what that person is dealing with!

2) Medication is NECESSARY for most of these illnesses! It is not a weakness, it is not laziness, it is not drug seeking behavior. I was medicated when I was depressed. It helped. I am alive today because of the love of my family and because that medication helped me. Again STOP the judgement just STOP!

3) Mental illness is not something that you can just wake up and ignore. It's not a BAD MOOD. It's a disease. A switch that isn't connected right in your brain. Stop treating people that have these illnesses like they are having an off day like they lost their job... it's not the case. It's not that simple.

#4 - At least you ONLY had a miscarriage.... at least you weren't far along... everything happens for a reason - ANY statement WHATSOEVER about losing a child.....period.

1) You should never say ANY statement about the loss of a child. No matter when that loss happened. Whether you have endured a loss of some sort too - it doesn't matter. Say I am sorry for your loss. Give a hug. Lend and ear. NEVER compare. 

2) I DO believe that I will meet my 3 babies in Heaven one day. I feel them with me often. My losses were all 14 weeks or earlier in pregnancy. But they were devastating. As any loss is. Don't compare such a tragedy. Ever.

3) Don't compare infertility with losing a child. Infertility is it's own battle, I know many who have dealt with it. BUT it is not the same as knowing you were pregnant, dreaming of a baby in your arms, and losing that. It is just not. It is illogical.

4) You never know a battle someone may be fighting.... there is REALLY good chance that you know MANY people who have lost a child. Our society doesn't smile upon sharing our losses. I have always been open with my situation but many don't wish to be that way. SO don't think you know everyone's story.... don't comment on things that could seriously hurt a person. 

You know there are FAR more things I wish people NEVER said. Maybe I will write more someday. Tonight I was deeply deeply hurt because of a situation that a dear friend went through. Something she never should have had to hear. Something I wish I could take out of her brain. I am sending her love and hugs and kindness and many prayers. She is strong and I will always be here! ALWAYS!

I have dealt with ALL of these issues.
1) I am fat by societies standards. I would like to weigh less. I have been told by many I am fat.
2) I am a stay at home mom and I DO love having that ability - please don't judge my honesty - I love my children and am blessed to raise them at home. But it is not a piece of cake.
3) I have been through years of depression and survived.
4) I have lost 3 children to miscarriage.

 I was not always as strong a person as I am now. I could still very easily be dragged down a hole from any of these situations. Any of them. At any moment. I hope that I could bring myself out far quicker nowadays. I am beautiful. I am obese by societies standards. I am "JUST" a stay at home mom during the day - but also have a very busy new business. I have struggled with depression and lived to tell the tale (thank you Lord). I have lost three babies to miscarriages and have 2 on Earth with me. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a daughter. I am a sister. An aunt. A Granddaughter. A singer. A sensitive person. I am an artist. A friend.
I am many many things. And so are you. 


<3 Much love to you all
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