Thursday, January 26, 2012

Life has been anything but uneventful. There has been much to do and yet my lazy butt has not had the will to get nearly enough accomplished. I'm sure "nesting" will kick in but it sure hasn't lately! I'm content to chill with Gabby (my cat) in the recliner and watch endless seasons of House (I wish the were endless as I am now almost caught up)...

I have accomplished our baby registries which was a necessity with the mailing out of invitations. Nonetheless it was a great thing to be able to check off the list :) We have one at Babies R Us  (registry# 47863349) and Amazon :)

So now that the invites are sent out and all that it's just been fun to (yes I admit it) watch things slowly get purchased off the registry hehe! Baby Logan has been super active the past few days and I can tell some of these movements of his are going to HURT in a few weeks when he's bigger! This morning he was pushing on both sides of my stomach and I was like oh my that will not be good in a couple weeks!! But I love every movement and can't wait to hold him in my arms! OH and I passed my gestational diabetes glucose test with "flying colors" (the nurses words not mine)! I was THRILLED!!

My MIL has been annoying the crap out of me since I have been pregnant and well, let's be honest, pretty much 90% of the time I have been with my husband. She is a SEVERELY huge PITA and I've had just about enough! I have not seen her in LITERALLY over a year (not that I am complaining by any means) and yet she texts (yes TEXTS) my husband that she wants to be a part in everything! OH PLEASE! She told him she had the what to expect when expecting book for me and I'm going ummm YEA I have that! Why would you give that to someone who is SIX MONTHS pregnant!?! At Christmas time she was trying to get Nate to tell her my maternity shirt size - like I just go around giving that information out to people. Hello I am self conscience enough! GEESH! And then she has a fit when he wouldn't tell her the info - I swear I could just punch the woman! As if that wasn't annoying enough the past week she has been asking him if we ever did a amino or if I applied for WIC - so one and so forth... I'm like really? SHUT UP! I'm not an idiot I KNOW what WIC is and while I wish we qualified, sadly we do not. As for amnio - I KNOW she was asking because she thinks it's something that shouldn't be done and while I happen to be against doing them for my own reasons I certainly don't need HER judging ME! This may seem like I'm taking it too personally but ALL she did after our wedding was judge every little thing she thought could have been better and I feel she's doing the same thing with this pregnancy!

She swore that she didn't get the Christmas card we sent (I don't believe her) and I KNOW she is going to lie and say she didn't get the shower invite either. It's maddening! Honestly I don't want her to come but lying and saying she wasn't invited is NOT a reason! She's a manipulative lunatic and I will seriously be having nightmares towards the end of this pregnancy just thinking of her holding Logan! It's terrifying! Sad - but true! My husband knows all this - so I am in no way keeping my feelings to myself. His mother has been quite awful to me (behind my back) for YEARS so she has it coming. I refuse to be treated this way around my son whether it's her talking behind my back of not if it happens then that's it! We're going to have her over to talk to her about her insanity (she is bi-polar and unmedicated so I am not being dramatic) and tell her if it continues then she will not be able to be around Logan. I would rather him have one grandma then two grandmas with the knowledge that my MIL is crazy! That's not healthy and my child is FAR more important then hurting her feelings! Sorry if you can't take care of yourself and be a sane individual - I don't care WHO you are - you will NOT be influencing my baby!

No matter how well that talk goes she will also not get to know when I am at the hospital - I told Nate I just can't do it! She is one of those people that will stay FOREVER if you let her - so I could easily see her coming at the beginning of visiting hours and then literally not leaving till they kicked her out! And the thought of her holding Logan at all - let alone for long periods of time - makes me sick to my stomach. It's just far too much to worry about with all the other worries in my head. I just can't take the stress - so talking to my husband about that far ahead of time was just necessary.

WOW God Bless you if you made it through the MIL rant! Sorry about that but I really had to get that out!

Things are starting to progress with the apartment this week. I have been SLOWLY organizing the living room and we took the tree down (yea I know LOL finally haha) to make room for the computer desk that is currently in Logan's room. Once that is moved out we can get that room all Gabby hair free and put a door in the hallway to block kitty and all her fur from getting into the other half of the apartment. She'll hate it but OH WELL! Need her to get used to that door before Logan is born. Gabby has this lovely (*note sarcasm) whining meow that literally sounds like a baby crying. It's awful! So she needs to get that bs out of her system before baby boy is born and both rooms have the doors open at night.

Logan's room will be Pirate themed and I am painting the letters to his name to match the bedding set (see Pirate themed link). I also bought a wooden chest from Joann's that I am painting to look like and old Pirate's chest - even gluing jewels on it so it looks like necklaces are coming out of the chest when it's closed :) Both those things will be done by the first shower (which is Feb. 25th) because they will be decorations at the party :) Don't worry I will certainly post pictures! I am still planning on finishing the alphabet art but Christmas crafts threw me off my game so I need to get back on track and finish L-Z :)

Here is the invite my fabulous BLM friend Melissa made me (of course the original doesn't contain the blurry parts LOL)! I LOVE IT! Subtly pirate themed and super duper cute! Cost $15 for 120 invites and Wally Mart even GAVE us envelopes too when we picked the photos up! Can't beat that!

Latest Doctor update: Now he tells me I should be gaining more weight! UGH! I give up a month ago I weighed to much now not enough even though my uterus is measuring big. I don't know what the man wants from me LOL! At 26 weeks I had gained 13 lbs. but given I "had more there to begin with" as he so kindly put it he says that's probably okay. I go to see the doctor every 2 weeks now. I'll see him again a week from tomorrow. Everything is looking great though but oh how I wish i was getting a sono before 34 weeks!

Sooo it is insanely late or early depending on how you look at it - so I should head off to bed. My husband's new schedule has really thrown my sleep patterns for a loop!

I am singing "Held" by Natalie Grant at chuch on Sunday - I will try to post a video of it on my blog if I remember.

Thanks to all who made it through this post - it makes my heart smile to know you all care <3

Riley, Peyton, Cameron,

Momma loves you and I am ALSO making a special shelf for the three of you in your brother's room :) I will ALWAYS tell him about you so that he never ever forgets his guardian angel siblings :) Hug each other tight my loves until I can hug you all myself one day. You are always in my heart. I miss you deeply. Give Nana hugs and kisses for me!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Logan moving - VIDEO :)

After yesterdays post it seemed like a nice video would be fun - this shows Logan make my belly move all over the place - the first big movement is at 25 seconds but there are a lots of movements for the first minute or so. :)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Nightmares vs. Reality

I had a HORRENDOUS nightmare last night - well really it was this morning but you get the idea.

None of the dream was logical at all but of course - as dreams always do - it totally seemed real. I was working with a bunch of people I know setting up a banquet or a restaurant or something - no clue. Then someone tells me there is a message for me so I go in the kitchen and a friend tells me that they are sorry. And I knew immediately that they meant about my baby. They said that the doctor called and that the baby was gone (I say baby because they didn't specifically say Logan). Then someone asked if there was a candle they could light to remember him... I just stared in shock with my mouth open and then literally fell to the ground bawling and screaming. I was just laying on the ground screaming and crying my eyes out and yelling "WHY GOD! 25 WEEKS! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!"

And then I woke up - crying - it was AWFUL! My husband was sleeping so I got up and went to the bathroom and just sat in there and cried for a few minutes and kept telling myself "It was only a dream my baby boy is okay!" Then I went and got the fetal doppler and checked for his heartbeat. At first I couldn't find it and I was just crying and then I found it right above my belly button and I just kept crying and saying "thank you thank you thank you I love you baby Logan". Man it was an awful nightmare but I was soooo relieved to hear his heartbeat.

I went back in the bedroom and gently woke my husband up and said I needed a hug. And he was worried and asked if everything was okay and I said yes Logan is fine but I had an awful nightmare. Just thinking about it made me cry again but my husband just held me for awhile and Logan started kicking me - oh how I LOVE that feeling - and then we were both able to fall back asleep.

Today has been an emotional day. VERY emotional. I think that nightmare just put me in an amped up emotional state. I'm really overly worried about my baby shower and feeling like a failure as a mom because we don't have the money to buy everything that I want Logan to have. I just have to pray that he will get the items that we need and go from there. Luckily there is a store an hour away that another BLM told me about (thank you! you know who you are!) called Once Upon A Child that has gently used items that they sell. So I certainly want to go there once both showers are over so that we can get any bigger items at a lower price.

I am a hormonal mess and I truly hope that it goes away after today because I am so sick of crying. I know Logan is fine and deep down I know that I will be a good mother but I just worry. And apparently today worrying makes me cry - a lot - and I am hoping the crying chills out now that my husband is off to work because my cat certainly isn't as much comfort as he is!

I HATE nightmares! I can't stand how 90% of the nightmare makes no sense and yet the horrible part always seems TOTALLY real! Luckily by the time I go to bed my husband should be home not long after in case any other bad nightmares pop into this stupid brain of mine... it would have been far worse had he not been there to calm me down. I love my wonderful, caring husband and we both love our little Logan! So stay put and stay healthy little man... keep on growing! <3

Riley, Peyton, & Cameron,
Mommy and Daddy love you so very much! Keep a close eye on your little brother and watch out for him. We miss you more than words can say and wish you could be with us. Tell Nana thank you for the Christmas gift - I really loved it so much! Give her a hug for me and always remember that we will ALWAYS love you!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Happy New year!!

I deeply apologize to anyone who may have thought something was wrong given I have been rather lazy with my blog posting. Let's chalk that up to baby brain and being very busy with crafts and general laziness in the recliner while watching endless episodes of House (which I LOVE now btw)!!

The holiday season was quite nice. I enjoyed all my new ornaments I received through the exchanges I participated in - if any of you read this blog thank you so much for making them for Riley, Peyton, and Cameron! When we have a bigger place I hope to have a small tree just for my angel at Christmas :) The day after Christmas we got together with my mom's side of the family and Papa gave us gifts that my Nana had already picked out for us before she passed away... it made me break down in tears to see her name on the tag... it was just all too much for my hormonal body to handle. But even through the tears it was lovely to see everyone.

Nate felt Logan kick for the first time on Christmas (I felt it a few days before when he kicked my arm while I was typing lol)! He also now likes to put his ear to my belly and listen to Logan move around :) I told him he has one up on me because I can't even do that ;) Logan has started moving around a lot more the past week - I LOVE IT! My new favorite thing is watching my belly move around when he is extra active.

I got a Lullabelly with money I got for Christmas - I like it quite a bit :) It's cool to listen to music and know that Logan can hear the same thing and feel him move around - it's quite fun!

This is one of my more recent belly photos :) I've become quite round as of late ;) But I must say I love my pregnant belly. I'm doing great with weight gain - only about 13-15 lbs. so far :) I'll be 25 weeks tomorrow!!

My next appointment is January 19th and then I have to take the dreaded glucose test. I have taken the 3 hour test years ago when they thought I might have diabetes... I didn't but I HATED getting it done so I REALLY don't want to fail the test. Luckily I have learned that eating carbs the night before/day of the test can make you fail the test even if you don't have GD so I don't plan to eat any crabs!! I am more prone to it because I am overweight but luckily don't have a family history of diabetes so that is at least good :)

Either way... hope everyone is doing great and again sorry if I worried you with my lack of posting!!
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