Wednesday, April 13, 2011

It's been over two weeks since my last post and I have been itching to write but sometimes I know what I want to say but I can't say it... if that makes sense.

The last post I talked about how I was sick of the way I look, being overweight, etc. I still am but guess what? Monday after substitute teaching I was desperately tired but something made me try the workout DVD I've had for months! And I have now done the workout three days in a row. Step in the right direction - painful one at that - but I am proud of myself.

Grief is a funny - not funny ha ha - what I mean to say is it's confusing. Every day is like a ride. One day it may be an exciting rollercoaster - a day full of hope and great expectations. The next day (or even within the same day) it is like a horror story. Then there are the days that are more of a Merry, Go Round - not to exciting but interesting nonetheless. Forest Gump's mom was right - life really IS like a box of chocolates you really do NEVER know what you are gonna get.

I went to see the movie Soul Surfer with a friend yesterday. It is about a young girl who had just become a pro surfer (she was 'signed' so I assume that means she was pro) and while out in the water she gets her arm bitten off by a shark! To make a long story short without giving too much away. Through perseverance and a whole lot of faith in God she gets through it and even learns how to surf with only one arm (trust me there's far more to it - you can learn all that from a trailer)!! If interested you can read my review and watch the trailer on my movie review blog. This line in the movie just truly hit me - I would have probably balled my eyes out had my friend not been right next to me. Just thinking of the line makes me tear up.

"I don't know why terrible things happen to us sometimes. But I have to believe something good is going to come from this."

This girl lost her arm and was able to still treat people with kindness who stared at her. To treat a competitor in a surf competition with kindness even though that person was mean to her. She was so loving through it all. I am in NO way comparing losing a limb to child loss. But I think we can all agree it would be a difficult thing to go through and a hard thing to understand. As a baby loss mom I certainly can't UNDERSTAND why I had to lose both of my children. Maybe I never will. But at the same time I know that something good will come of it. Maybe it already has...maybe this blog is part of that good. Maybe talking about my loss rather than ignoring it like society does will help someone. If it even makes a difference to one person through their grief it is good. I'm not going to lie - I, just as any of us would - would take my children back in an INSTANT if I could - but the Lord knows, and I know, that can't happen.

I made this photo today (well I took the photo a couple years ago - but I added the verse today) in honor of this post. This verse was mentioned in the movie and it really hit home. I have known the verse for longer than I can remember but something just clicked when I heard it in the movie. I'm going to list it in my Etsy shop :)
One of the reasons I haven't posted in a while is because I have been crazy posting in my Etsy shop. I am toying with the idea of starting a blog in regards to my Etsy listings. Maybe I will....not sure yet. Here are a few new items I have made (out of the over 100 new ones I listed)... Click the banner below to go to my store!

These first three are meant to be cake toppers or just cute sculptures 
for the angry birds I didn't know if they would be popular for cake toppers.
They are made from polymer clay that is then primed, painted, and sealed with lacquer.

Here is my newest wedding board design

 I also started making hair accessories

The last picture is my newly dyed hair. I had NO idea my roots were so bad until we finally got some sunlight around here and natural light showed not pretty roots! So basically I dyed it back to my normal color.
I thought the red was going to fade out - but it didn't really.

Yes I am crazy and in a tank top even though it's cold here. I am always hot all year round LOL
Soooo I have a hopeful feeling about me the past three days. A renewed spirit if you will. Here's hoping and PRAYING that things keep looking UP! I am due for my next cycle any time now and after that I can get the HSG to find out if the surgery worked. I'm hopeful but nervous. I need lots of prayer that all the 'spots' won't be taken like they were the first time I needed it done! I just need to know and then we can move on from there! Thank you for those who read this post. It is greatly appreciated. Now with the words out of my head and it being 2:30 am it is time for me to depart to bed.

Goodnight and may God bless you all with some hope as well!

Riley and Peyton mommy and daddy love you so very much. We always will! Mommy will always tell your story to others and to your siblings (Lord willing). Until we meet on that glorious day in Heaven hug eachother for me until I can hug you myself.


  1. You look so cute! Love your hair! I know what you mean about having lots to say, but can't seem to post it. I feel that way sometimes.
    Glad you are moving on with your exercise & Etsy shop. Grief is strange, isn't it? It hits me some times at the weirdest times. Thinking about you and your sweet Peyton & Riley. xoxo

  2. Forgot to add - the picture & scripture are beautiful. xoxo

  3. I love the hair!! Im glad you are starting to feel a bit better. You are an amazing lady! Dont forget that!! ALways thinking about you riley, peyton much love!

  4. You are so talented!! I wish I could create cool things like you can! Totally jealous!


  5. Jess,
    You are so gorgeous!! I admire you for your hard work with weight loss. You look great! Your hair is so cute too and I love those hair accessories! I will be praying for the test to show that the surgery worked like a charm and that all is well:) I am praying for a future full of rainbows for you.

  6. I def want to see that movie so glad to hear that you liked it!


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