Tuesday, March 29, 2011


I feel somewhat alienated lately... detached. Lately I have either been over emotional (for no freaking reason) which makes me feel like a crazy person OR just blahhhh. Not a whole lot of anything.

I need a change. I need a jolt (please everyone this does not mean I want you to electrocute me). I need something. I wish I knew what that was....

I am in desperate need to lose weight but honestly with this blah/alienated/detached feeling lately exercise isn't gonna happen. Sure I have my Kinect and what not which is certainly a more fun way to exercise but I still have to have the will to DO SOMETHING (I am SO not the type to exercise in front of other people - probably never will be). It's so frustrating. I have lost 20 lbs. but honestly it took so freaking long (since November or so) that it's hard for me to be excited about that. I did weight watchers a 4 or 5 years ago and I lost 75 lbs. or so in 8 months. So 20 lbs. in 5 months pretty much sucks in comparison.

But I'm not that same girl as I was 4 or 5 years ago obviously. Not even close. I am a shell of that girl if anything. Sadly a significantly larger shell. I gained all that weight back in 2 years basically! How sad is it that they say it is easier to gain weight when you are comfortable in a relationship (no I'm not making excuses that's just what they "say") and then here I am now overweight again and grieving my children. Do I really need MORE to be sad about on top of my loss? Nope - not at all!

I NEED TO SNAP OUT OF THIS and start working my a** off! I'm sick of this and I'm sick of the way I look... I'm just sick.... and I'm so done with feeling like this...


  1. I have TOTALLY been there with the weight. I have to say my only advice is that nothing can be obtained through "will power". If we rely only on ourselves...then we will fail every time, but if we let God transform us...it will be eternal. My biggest breakthrough was when I asked God to tell me how HE saw me and it was the biggest change in my life. I also searched for why I emotionally eat...and the answer was totally different than I always thought it was. Its a day by day thing...don't beat yourself up over it. Start to see yourself as God sees you and it will give you the strength to do the best with your heart, mind, and body that you possibly can:) I'm praying for you in this hard time in your life (not just the weight loss journey, but the loss of your children and waiting to ttc again). You are such a beautiful person inside and out and I KNOW God will show you His plan for your life one day at a time:) All we have it today for tomorrow has it's own worries!

  2. Would your hubby be interested in doing the kinet with you? My hubby and I stated doing the Wii together... We found that we weren't having enough fun together, and the Wii was just what we needed. We have so much fun every night just being goofy and working out.

  3. You're stuck. I can totally relate right now. Just waiting for the next big thing to come along. For life to change. To quit being at the bottom of the muddy wheel.

    The only words of hope I can offer are that eventually the wheel will turn, you will get out of the cog, and you will be at the top with the awesome bird's eye view. The wheel IS turning.

  4. Know the feeling. I've actually been pretty strict with myself this week and haven't lost anything. I think it gets more difficult to lose weight as you get older too.

    I find that miso soup helps as it's nice and fills you up, but doesn't have many calories. I just need to follow my own advice!

  5. I felt a lot like this back in December too. Frustrated that I had all this baby weight to lose but just could not get the energy to do something about it. =( I did finally sign up for a month long bootcamp where I paid up front and that was what I needed to get started. It was hard. I had to get up three days a week at 5:30 am to exercise before work. It got better after about 3 weeks and I continued working out with that class until just about a month ago when I reached my goal. Do you have any friends that could go to a class or workout with you?


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