Those visiting: I have two other blogs related to baby loss. Heaven's Doves where I make photos for baby loss survivors and Too Beautiful for Earth: Memorial Art - where I make memorial art for baby loss parents.
I mentioned my Christmas ornaments a couple posts ago. You can now view the various choices HERE and fill out the order form HERE. I hope to be offering pre-painted ones that can be purchased as they are and/or have an added name/date customization :)
For those dropping in I am a mother to two angels. Riley we lost at 6-7 weeks on 2/11/10 and Peyton we lost at 10+ weeks on 8/19/10 three days after seeing the heartbeat for the third time. Far too much loss for a lifetime let alone within 6 months! I have gone to a specialist and supposedly I am "normal" and they can find no cause for why I would be having miscarriages. But I think it's rather obvious I am not normal - this isn't a NORMAL thing to happen. I'm so sick of the world normal (check out yesterday's post for more on that).
I sang "Unredeemed" by Selah today with a friend at church. It went well. And unlike when I sang "I will carry you" (also Selah) I did not have to leave the sanctuary and ball my eyes out. Oh the difference a month and a half can make. WELL honestly I think if I were to ever sing "I will carry you again" it would make me cry. It's literally ABOUT child loss so it's a bit different then "unredeemed" - I will post the recording with lyrics as soon as my friend makes it for me :)
My hair stylist told me the other day that when I did weight watcher's a few years ago I lost weight too quick and looked anorexic. I have NEVER looked anorexic a day in my life. Who looks anorexic at 170 lbs.? I didn't trust me. I have never been the skinny girl. Never been the pretty girl. I was always every guys friend. I was always just one of the guys. I was okay with that I guess but I always wanted to be pretty you know? I always wished that when I looked in the mirror I would one day see who I wanted to be smiling back. But maybe that is not meant to be... or maybe it will happen one day. I am not saying I have this warped view of myself and think I am incredibly ugly. I don't. There are pictures I like. But nowadays there are not many. If any at all. I see pictures and think I look far heavier than the 250 lbs. I do weigh. It would be bad enough if I looked like I weighed 250 but more than that is just disheartening. I am working at it again. But it's not easy.
|weird angle but shows whole tattoo|
|better angle - just wings|
<3 Momma loves you Riley & Peyton <3