Riley & Peyton - forever loved!!!

To begin with there have been two new additions to Heaven's Doves. I came upon both of these women's blogs today and they are both amazing ladies. I am sure they would love it if you dropped on by their little piece of our BLM grieving community.

Mary blogs at: Micah's Gift she is basically the reason for the title of the blog. (Don't worry I will explain) Thank you so much Mary and Micah! Stop by her blog and have your babies name written on a blade of growing grass. I look forward to getting mine :)

Jamie blogs at: Forget Me Not, Oh Lord. She has a wonderful heart and I look forward to reading more about her through her journey. It's so sad that so many wonderful people need to meet this way but if we can help each other I know there is something to be gained from this journey of sadness.

If you get a chance and you have not done so yet - please request a dove - they are free of charge and it makes me happy to make them for others :)
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Without further ado.... Our babies now have names. When I read Mary's story she mentioned that it made her sad to think of her baby sitting up in heaven without a name. That got me thinking. Why didn't my babies have names? Of course the logical reason would be well we had no idea what the sex of either was. Neither did Mary - but she was right - I felt bad that my babies were sitting in heaven with no names. I felt bad that when I talk to them they were Baby Malloy or Baby Bean or baby #1 or #2. It was awkward and in my silent prayers or typed out blogs I should not feel awkward. Now I know that they have names. I hope that God let them know :) So the former "Baby Malloy or baby #1" will now and forever be named RILEY and the former "Baby Bean or baby #2" will now and forever be named PEYTON. I am happy they have names. It made me smile as soon as we decided. Now I have to order charms with their precious names on them.

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One of my relatives wrote me a message on facebook... hopefully she will not mind that I am posting what she said - but it was so great I could not help it.
As a back story she is married to one of my cousins (I have many LOL) and she is also currently pregnant. Before the church service on Sunday I managed to get the nerve to go up to her and hug her and congratulate her. Shocking that I could do that - but I did - without her even knowing it was difficult. Though she probably realized it was after hearing me sing on Sunday.

This is what she wrote me today:

Hi Jess,

Your song was beautiful yesterday...and I love your hair. I am sort of ashamed to admit this but having never been in your situation and not really knowing many people that (openly) have been, I have been one of those that don't really understand and would think can't you just try again? The kind of person that would probably really really tick you off...so though it may not have been what you were going for, watching you sing yesterday and seeing Nate and your emotions as you left the church when you were finished, I get it now. Your loss was very real.

Though I will never ever ever understand why this happens and am so angry that you are suffering right now - I am absolutely positive that you will be a beautiful mom to babies that we can hold in our arms someday. 

 

 

The underlined parts were the most touching though her honesty was amazingly touching also... this was my reply to her: 

Your honesty brought tears to my eyes. I thank you for that. Yes our loss is very very real. And though we will be trying for more children whether we have 1 or 4 I will always be the mother of those children and our other two. When we have our first baby on Earth I will tell people I have three children and I will explain. They deserve that :)
Thank you for the sweet compliments. I was happy with the song and thanking God all day that I made it through it without crying. I love my hair too LOL - thanks ;)
I pray that I will have babies in my arms on Earth every single day. I have prayed that for years but since Feb. and even more since Aug. I have prayed even harder. Thank you again!
LOVE YOU! 

 

That was an AMAZING message to get - I hope she knows how much that meant!! And I hope that other people who have similar feelings as hers understand that it is a HUGE loss! 

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Momma misses you Riley & Peyton! I hope that you love your names. I'm sorry you had to wait so long for them, especially you Riley... momma made you wait too long but I hope you love your names! I am glad that you two have each other and you are safe and happy in heaven. I wish you did not feel so far away, so out of reach, so permanently absent. Riley valentine's day and hearts will always make me think of you and Peyton fall will always remind me of you. Doves remind me of both of you for you are the reason I created Heaven's Doves. I pray daily that I will learn everything I am supposed to from my loss of you. That I will somehow become a better person, more caring and loving and that I can effect people and help them through their grief. I know there must be something that will come from all of this...I know that God had a reason for taking you to heaven. Taking you away. Someone wrote the other day in a blog that they wished there was a stairway to heaven. I do too. I wish I could visit you or see pictures of you even. It's all so surreal. Sad to be living through this pain that SO many others do not even acknowledge. That so many think is no big deal, that I should be "over it". Society is so cruel my loves. Riley, you are the oldest so help Peyton out. I would have expected that on Earth so I want you to do the same in heaven. Love each other and keep your hearts open and eyes out for mommy and daddy we will be there before you know it. RILEY AND PEYTON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!