|Gabby my cute cat that lays nearby during my late night ramblings|
I love my blog, I love my friends and family who read it, and I love my new BLM friends. This morning I checked my blog comments and saw that my friend Kourtney (who I graduated high school with - she has beautiful twins) had commented so I read it right away ( I <3 comments). This is what she said:
"just had a thought....quite a while after i was reading your blog.
I think that God has given you these children because He knew how much you would love them. Some people pass off abortions or early losses as nothing and you and others are carrying on their memories and souls with love and purpose. I can't say that the grief you are going through now would be worth it (because i dont know how you are feeling) but i think YOU had been chosen to carry those lives that God decided to cut short because He knew that you would love them as much as He does.
GOD BLESS YOU Jess <3"
It makes me tear up again just reading it..... that comment meant SO SO much! I don't know if she will ever understand how much. But thank you for that Kourtney!!!
Miscarriage has changed me forever. My hope and prayer is that I can take that change and do whatever I can to make good come from it. While I am sure for the rest of my life there will be days that I will cry over my angels that does not mean that I will not live my life. I will live my life. I will live it with them in my heart, if they can not be on Earth with me they will live through my words and through my voice. God gave me my children and while they were SO special He needed them in Heaven I will love them just as much as if they were here with me in my arms. Reading that someone believes that God entrusted these babies with me because my love would never die is simply amazing. It's true there are plenty of people who pass off miscarriages or abortions as nothing because in their minds there was never a child - so many children who are not loved and represented on Earth. They are loved in heaven though so that is amazing.
My husband said something to me today right when he got home. I will try to say it in the same way though I am sure I will fail (but he has a worse memory than me so here's the basic thing he said)....He said that he was thinking that we would raise our children to love God in the hopes that they will one day be safe in Heaven (of course we never planned it would happen so early) and now they are. We never had to go through the worry that they would not want God in their lives. They are with Him already and they are some special little babies because God needed them so much, they are that important. As important to me as they are to God! This of course also made me cry.... in a good way. I have a wonderful husband! He doesn't realize how much he comforts me... but he does. Maybe if I say it enough in my blog and he reads it he will begin to believe me ;)
I made more BLM penpal gifts today and I mailed them out when I mailed out the peacock feather earrings I sold from my Etsy shop (to the right is another pair I have made).
Even if I was to never get a letter from any of the BLM penpals it would be okay. Making the gifts for others is so rewarding. Imagining a smile during a painful time for someone else makes me feel joy. Makes me feel needed (even if it's all in my head LOL).I could live with that... feeling joy and feeling needed... oh and at some point a baby on Earth... hopefully that last part is not pushing it!
Soooo thank you to my friend Kourtney and my husband you too truly made my day. I'm huge fan of life throwing me huge blessings like that - God knows when we need encouragement and I feel blessed all the more for it.
Mommy loves you my angels....