Lullaby...

Well for starters I have a new look for my blog. Do you like it? I simply could not handle having only two columns it was far too cluttered!

Secondly I started a new blog just for Heaven's Doves. Please request a dove for your baby/babies I would love to make more additions to commemorate other's little ones :) You can view the page above or click on the Heaven's Doves button. There is a "request a dove" area on the blog.

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On another note church went pretty well today. During the second part of the service people were speaking about the missions trip they went on to Puerto Rico. My sister was a big part of this trip because she went to school to be a deaf education teacher and originally went to the school a couple years back. So I stayed to hear the group talk. One woman was telling how one of the older boys had no knowledge of language and for the first time after learning some sign language got to "hear" (through sign language) that his mother loved him. He had never heard that till that day. This would have made me ball my eyes out had I not been around so many people. Instead I just teared up a bit.... my babies never got to hear me say I love you. I say it now through words, songs, actions, and someday in heaven...but on Earth my darlings never got to hear that.

I cleaned up a bit today. Our second bedroom is much more organized now. Not too long ago we were dreaming up how to set up the nursery. If we still were it would not look the way it does now. It's beautifully organized in comparison to before but the change is rather bittersweet. It's nice to have less clutter though sometimes my mind is cluttered enough I don't physically need it around me too...

Today Nate's mom kept asking him about my miscarriage. I told him she should not make him rehash everything over and over again if it is going to upset him. He is not used to talking about it as much as me and even I would not want to rehash those events over and over weeks after week. If she mentions it next week I told him he should really say something. She asked him if we had bought the baby anything before the miscarriage happened. He said only two little things (from my mom) which were really cute gender neutral dishes. A little plastic dish with a tops and a small try - they had frogs on them - I love frogs. When he turned around he saw they were sitting behind him (I had not put them in the closet yet) and when I came out he was upset. Sad. We both miss our angels so much. Sometimes he does not show it as much as I do which I imagine is good because one of us should be a tad bit stronger and while I am strong I am not that strong. I love so much. I hope he knows that.

I love you sweet babies, I love you so very much! I would scream it with all my might if I thought you could hear me in heaven. I'm sure you know you are loved but oh how I wanted to hold you and tell you. I'd dreamed of singing you lullabies when you were crying or couldn't fall asleep. I will be singing for you in church in two weeks. I hope you will hear me. It will be hard on mommy because it will be two days before my first beautiful angel's original due date... but it is important to me that I sing for you...if I can't sing to you I will sing for you. If I cry it is out of love for you. Daddy and I are doing a Walk to Remember for you too my angels. We want to show others how very much you mean to us. Here is a song for you tonight my loves. I will sing it to you someday.