Friday, December 31, 2010

2010 recap

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Got pregnant twice and said goodbye to both my babies :*(

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make 
more for next year? 
No I didn't lose weight until recently and I plan to do my best to
lose weight THIS year!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes my cousin and a friend on Riley's due date :*( 
but I am thrilled for them both - it's just hard....

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My sweet Riley & Peyton...

5. What countries/states did you visit?
Just Adirondacks in NY - no where outside NY...

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Have a baby that will live on this Earth with us!

7. What dates/events from 2010 will remain etched upon 
your memory, and why?

(all are baby loss related)

1/25/10 - positive test
2/11/10 - first u/s - no heartbeat @ 6-7 weeks
2/15/10 - confirmed Hcg levels decresed
2/17/10 - a doc tells me he can't do D & C for 6-8 weeks!
2/23/10 - my original doc sets up D & C for next day
2/24/10 - D & C
3/10/10 - tested for abnormal thyroid (came back normal)
7/19/10 - positive test
7/22/10 - my birthday - positive increase in Hcg (blood test)
7/26/10 - first u/s - saw heartbeat @ 6.5 weeks
8/16/10 - u/s - saw heartbeat again @ 9 weeks 5 days
8/19/10 - prenatal checkup - u/s - no heartbeat @ 10+ weeks
8/27/10 - D & C
9/10/2010 - found specialist
9/24/2010 - all blood tests came back normal
& diagnosed with underactive thyroid
12/10/10 - HSG - V shaped uterus -
either have bicornuate or septate uterus.
12/28/10 - MRI (to see if septate or bicornuate)
12/29/10 - diagnosed with septate uterus (FIXABLE!)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Living through my loss without going crazy, my husband and I 
surviving the loss of our babies with lots of love for each other.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not having my babies - but I now know for a fact that there was 
no way for them to live my uterus was making it impossible... while 
it is my bodies fault I know that it was nothing I did... 

So other than that not getting a teaching job and/or losing my job 
(though neither were do to me not trying my hardest!)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
 Lots and lots of grief and latel far too many colds!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I would say my baby loss jewelry - my two necklaces which I cherish :)

also, I am glad that we have a new apartment (but we rent it) 

& Currently I am GREATLY enjoying our Kinect :)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
All my FABULOUS new BLM friends who have given me such support 
and let me know that they are there for me - I thank each and every one
of you for your love <3

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I would say all the complete idiots that said ridiculously stupid 
things and told me in more words to get over my babies and 
move on and try again.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, bills, surgeries, and doctor bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Well so far the only thing I have been excited about that wasn't 
crushed (like my pregnancies) is the new fabulous news that my septate 
uterus can be FIXED!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
I will carry you and Unredeemed by Selah
Held by Natalie Grant

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: 
a) happier or sadder? sadder (last year I hadn't lost both my children)
b) fatter or thinner? fatter or similar (not sure which)
c) richer or poorer? Poorer (I have been jobless since May)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Eaten healthier - listened to the first doctor who told me Riley 
as gone and gotten a HSG SOONER therefore this surgery could
have been done a long time ago but I know I cannot control 
everything - I am just happy it is figured out and will be fixed soon!

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being quick to judge others I guess. I don't do it often but when 
I do I always worry that there is a reason they are the way they are 
and I don't understand their circumstances...

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family :)

21. Which blogspot people did you meet this year?
Everyone - I didn't have a blog until the end of August this year... 
You all mean SO SO much to me!

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
With my babies - yes - and I will ALWAYS love them!

23. How many one-night stands?

24. What was your favourite TV program?
Hmm so many.... NEW favorite - Mike & Molly, S#*! my dad says, 
and Hawaii Five-O
old favorites are: Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Lie to Me, 
GLEE, and Community...

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
26. What was the best book you read?
"An Exact Replica of a Figment of my Imagination" by Elizabeth 
McCracken....and "I will carry you" by Angie Smith - both about
losing a baby.Recently Firefly Lane was also an awesome
book (not about baby loss).

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
LaCrae - a Christian rapper - he is amazing.

28. What did you want and get?
A husband that has loved me through these hard times even though 
we have not been married long - we have a STRONG marriage!

29. What did you want and not get?
My sweet Riley in my arms , My sweet Peyton in my arms.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Hmmm Inception was pretty amazing. Rabbit Hole was an amazing film
and amazing for the community of those that have lost a child to have
that to show to those they know to help them understand even a little
bit more. 
Also recently Black Swan was great as was 127 Hours...

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
My pregnancy was confirmed with positive Hcg increase - it was the 
best birthday gift ever! We went to see Predators with my dad and 
went to Fudrucker's where I told my dad I was pregnant. (little did
I know that less than a month later at 10 weeks Peyton my second 
baby would also be gone) I turned 29 ...

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably 
more satisfying?
Obviously having Riley or if I had lost Riley to still be
pregnant with Peyton...

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Same as it has been for years. Nice clothes that are also COMFORTABLE!

34. What kept you sane?
My family (especially my mom), my husband (who has been so
amazing this year), my new BLM friends, and OF COURSE - my
faith in God (without my faith I don't know where I would be -
but I know it wouldn't be good)

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Well I think Lilly Allen because she recently lost a baby and Pink 
because she recently announced she is pregnant and is also a BLM.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Everything about our current president stirs me - and NOT in a 
good way. Though I try to stay away from politics because all 
they do is make me mad and I have enough problems...

37. Who did you miss?
Riley & Peyton

38. Who was the best new person you met?
ALL my new BLM friends... and my specialist because without
him we may never have found out my uterus issue was fixable!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Never to be naive and expect that things happen to other people 
but not me. Because they can and did happen to me...Also that 
God can give me the strength to handle anything...


I want to end this by saying GOODBYE 2010 you will NOT be missed!
I am grateful to have learned that my uterus issue is fixable and that 
is a happy way to end out this crappy crappy year. 

I do want to take this time to thank my sweet babies Riley & Peyton... 
You have taught me how to love and have compassion... to 
understand that we may not always understand what others have 
endured.  I thank you for that. I love you for how much you have 
taught me in the short time that you were with me - please know 
that you will always be in my heart. Mommy and Daddy love you 
and miss you so so much!


  1. ((hugz))

    Here's to 2011 !!!!!!!!!!

    Your friend,

  2. Great post. Lots of {{HUGS}} Always in my prayers

  3. Happy New Year - hope the surgery goes well and 2011 is much better than 2010.

  4. I hope all of your hopes for 2011 are realized, starting with your surgery being scheduled asap.

  5. It is always amazing to look back over the last year and see how far life has taken us and how much we have changed. It is amazing how much difference a year makes.

    I pray that this year is so much better for you than last.


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