Cup of Kindness...

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day so as we remember our sweet babies I thought it would be a good day to do a post about the need for a bit more kindness....

Through the past 3 and a half years I have gone through a lot. I have aged a lot. I have learned a lot. Most assuredly I can say that we should view the world differently. Everyone should view their surroundings, their situations, and peoples attitudes differently. EVERYONE is going through SOMETHING. Maybe that is why that guy was a jerk to you in the parking lot. Maybe that lady was snippy with you because her mother just passed away. MAYBE that person is 1 in 4 and they just lost a child.

YOU NEVER KNOW

We can't presume to have any idea what those around us are going through. Just because there are people like me who ARE vocal about their loss doesn't mean there aren't thousands (the majority I imagine) who suffer in silence. If you have experienced a loss and have a blog or Facebook account and mention your sweet little ones gone too soon then you are vocal to an extent. BUT I am sure there were many times that you suffered in silence. Whether it be someone asking "is this your first baby" or "do you have any kids" or "isn't it great to have one boy and one girl".... and you choose not to say anything about your angels. We all, I believe, suffer in silence at points.

So do those around us. So do those we don't know and may never know. I TRY to remember this when someone is snippy with me in line getting groceries or rude when I bump into them by mistake with my purse. I try but I fail sometimes, especially when they are rude while I am driving ;)

Nonetheless my point is I wish people were less judgmental to mothers like me who have lost their children, but also just to people in general.

I feel like as a babyloss mom there is extra guilt in parenting. I am probably the one causing that guilt and I am sure ALL mothers have it to an extent. But I feel like Logan is my sweet, precious, cuddly miracle boy and I often think I am not a good enough mom. That I don't do as much as I could because this is all new to me. Then when I DO feel like I am being a good mom my house is a giant pile of stuff everywhere. So if it's not guilt for one thing it's guilt for another.

Speaking of guilt and judgment..... what is WITH PEOPLE? Why does society believe that being a stay at home mom is a luxury or that it is lazy? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!? Let me just let you know I am NOT against parents working - I am not against daycare, etc. we ALL do what we have to do. HOWEVER I feel stay at home moms are constantly judged. I would like one of these judgmental idiots to set foot in any mom's house of one child (let alone MORE than that) and then tell me we have LUXURIOUS lives or that we are LAZY! Also you may think well you could use more money, why don't you work? Well - daycare is CRAZY expensive and there is no way I am going to work just to make enough money to pay someone else to watch my son.... nope, not happening.

If someone ever asked me "What do you DO all day?" I think I may slap them - or at least I would LOOK like I was about to slap them! Being a stay at home mom is not a job, it is a blessing but that doesn't mean it's EASY! For one you NEVER have time off....even during naps because you know what? That's when the dishes, laundry, and all that fun cleaning get done because there's sure no time for that with a toddler running around like a cute little monster! There are very few times I get a break - by break I mean NO errands to run but just enjoying myself seeing a movie or going to dinner. I usually try to get out with my husband once a month but that doesn't always happen. In the last 17 1/2 months I have gone out with a friend(s) maybe 8-10 times. And really that is LUCKY (and I know I am blessed to have those moments) But, then there are those that judge how I spend that little time off. That 5 hours a month when I go out with my husband.

Why all the judgment. Why do people feel they have a right to judge people? I am a good mom! Am I perfect? No! Is anyone?  NO! So unless you TRULY have a reason to judge someone - don't - get off your high horse and realize PEOPLE ARE ALL DIFFERENT! I don't judge those who have daycare or leave their child with a sitter or relative all day long during the week so I don't expect to be judged because I stay at home. Every now and then I leave the house with only SOCKS on Logan's feet (oh the horror) when it's nice out - - when he was younger there was even a time (GASP) I went to the grocery store quick with him in pjs! OH GOOD GOLLY how awful! Do I think there are people who would judge that? YEP! Do I care? I don't want to....but yea if I could tell someone was judging me - I would care. That's the joy of mommy guilt.

So with all that said - take a minute - WE HAVE ALL JUDGED SOMEONE - and we will ALL do it again even if just for a brief second before we mentally slap ourselves. It will happen. When that time comes take a good look in the mirror, search your heart.....most likely you will realize that judgment was uncalled for - if there were more people taking a breath and THINKING before they say judgmental things or stopping themselves from giving a judgmental glare wouldn't a few people's days be just a bit brighter?

I think so....

Here's some pics of me and sweet Logan....

“For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
 For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
 For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
 For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
  People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
 As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.”
― Sam Levenson

Riley, Peyton, & Cameron,

Mama and Daddy love you SO MUCH! We miss you every day! I know that you watch over your brother....thank you for that <3 I wish I could hug you all. I wish you were here. But, I know that you are happy and living it up with Nana and all your heavenly family. Give all those little babies hugs. Many mamas and daddy's hearts are hurting. Send us all some peace and know that you are loved. I will hold you in my heart forever sweet ones....until we meet in Heaven.  ~Love, Your Mama

Lessons this "Mommy of a toddler" has learned so far....

(LONG TIME NO POST! Yikes!!! Haha! I have been a busy bee with my Thirty-One business....more about that another time....)

I have a couple friends (and my sister!) that will have babies within the next 4 months or so! Baby central around here. And then there's crazy lunatics like me starting to wrap their heads around having another one sometime! Haha! I looked back through my posts from when Logan was first born till he was about three months - oh how I dread that the next time around with a toddler to take care of too! YIKES!

I have learned a lot through raising Mr. Logan the past 16 months or so. Basically the most important thing that I think I can say is ALL CHILDREN ARE DIFFERENT! I have heard many mamas say before that we should just take the books that they make telling you the milestones and what your child should be doing at this month, week, day, etc. and just throw them out! I agree IF those books are making you overly worried. If you can read those milestones and understand that it IS okay if your child is not the same as what the book says then ok fine - but those books should in no way be your Bible for child rearing and what not!

SO with that said.... differences in children.... Logan got his first tooth at 3 months!!! Very early! He's been growing those suckers non stop ever since. I have a friend who's baby barely had one tooth when she turned ONE! They are ALL DIFFERENT!

Logan rolled over once each way then NO ROLLING AT ALL until 8 months old or so and then he was literally rolling across the room! He didn't start crawling until after he was one and didn't start walking till her was about 15 1/2 months and he is still a little bit of a drunk walker LOL! BUT this mama KNOWS that her boy is just fine!! He hasn't said a first understandable word yet but he babbles a ton.... and again that is OKAY!

Anyways my main point here is sometimes you just need to IGNORE what all those other kids out there can do and realize that if something were really wrong YOU would probably instinctively realize it before some random other parent! Same goes for in laws and your parents....just because THEY raised you or your significant other does NOT mean that they know whats best for your child!

So to any mama out there reading this.... if there are any ;) KEEP YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH! YOU ARE DOING AN AWESOME JOB! We all raise our children the way we see fit and you know what? THAT is great! We need to have unique children not children all raised the exact same way to be the exact same people. God made us unique! The best thing everyone can do is embrace their own individuality AND their children's individuality :) If we were all the same the world would be a boring place!

With that said LOVE UP those moments with your kiddos and do your best to not feel guilty for taking time for yourself and let the freaking house get messy for goodness sake - because really if it's not hurting anyone WHO CARES :) 

Riley, Peyton, and Cameron,

We love you sweet babies! Mama and Daddy think of you EVERY day! Watch over your brother and hug your Nana and Aunt Alice <3

Well laid plans....

My husband and I just had our 4 year anniversary on June 14th and as I mentioned in the previous post we had plans to celebrate the following day. Well, life doesn't work how you think sometimes and sadly my mom ended up being very sick. We think with food poisoning. Although I was disappointed that our plans would be cancelled I was extremely worried about my mom! She, being the lovely person that she is, was so worried that I would be sick or Logan would be sick - because she was just over here hours before being sick. I told her there was no need to be worried because I was sure Logan would have shown signs of being sick already and I was feeling just fine (other than my normal exhaustion and somewhat nauseousness because of it - but that has become rather normal).

So given the change in plans and after being up all night with Logan who lately will not sleep unless laying on me or my hubby..... I decided I would take advantage of the time and get an extra hour of sleep. I woke Nate up, told him of the change in plans and said I was going to bed for a few hours. When I woke up, of course, I was still exhausted (when am I NOT?) but happy to spend time with Nate (my husband) and Logan :)

We ate lunch and then I ran an errand while Nate watched Logan. Around 6pm I was SO tired I could barely keep my eyes open so Nate took over so I could take a nap. He woke me up after an hour (as planned) and I went and picked up our dinners that we had ordered (fish fry - yum!). As I left the house I realized how extremely tired I still was - I picked up our food - and on the way home called my mom as I had missed her call during my nap. She is a fabulous mom and grandma and wanted to check in and make sure we were all still feeling okay. I told her we were fine but that I was just SO tired and I started crying. Then she started crying because she felt bad that she couldn't babysit so we could go out. I told her to not feel bad at all and that really it probably would have been a disaster if we went out because I would have been so tired and then I would have felt bad if I couldn't enjoy myself. When I got home with our food I was still crying and Nate of course was concerned and thought something had happened.

I told him nothing happened I was just over extended and beyond exhausted - it had been 7 weeks with no more than 3.5 hours sleep at one time! I was just done and had hit rock bottom with my exhaustion. So even though I wanted to be able to spend time with him and watch a movie (or the epic walk across Niagara Falls) he told me to go to sleep after I ate. So I did. I was not able to fall right asleep (crazy how your body even in total exhaustion can manage to be too worried or over think so that you can't sleep - UGH) but when I came out to go to the bathroom Nate suggested I take tylenol pm - so I did - went back to bed read a bit and fell asleep. I slept from about 10pm till 4:40am (with a couple bathroom breaks and checking in on hubby and baby). Then I came out and relieved Nate so he could get some hours sleep before we started our Saturday events. He is still sleeping now and though I am SURE I could have easily slept MUCH longer I am blessed to have had that 6+ hours sleep. My mom said she would be happy to let me catch extra sleep at night after she gets out of work a couple nights during the week so I am sure that will help too.

So yesterday was a change of plans for sure and this mommy needed that. Though I was sad to have to wait a week to celebrate our anniversary man that was a blessing in disguise (though I wish my poor mom wasn't ill)! I feel improved today although I admit I am already planning out a way to get some extra hours of sleep in tonight... we'll see how that works out.

Thank you for the comments and encouragement lately. I am sorry that I don't have more positive posts but mommyhood - especially mommyhood of a colicy baby - has really hit me lately. Yesterday when I was so upset from being tired all I could do was feel so guilty because I just wanted to SLEEP! I love my baby boy with all my heart but wow he is tiring and I am very glad that my husband is so hands on and was able to give me that time off to sleep. The little one actually let me put him in his rock n play for a bit so I am going to TRY to rest before I wake hubby up. Much love to you all - please pray that I get a better handle on my sleep and on handling my little screamer. Even more please pray that his colic not last much longer. I feel so bad for the little guy and there is nothing I can do for him - which I HATE!