New ideas... (comments needed please!)

So ever since I lost Peyton and started this blog I was in dire need of memorials. In need of things to have around me always... to remember Riley and Peyton. I wanted them to be with me even though they are so far away. It was much more difficult to find memorials for my babies then I had imagined. Looking back on that it was rather naive of me to think there would be many such things out there in a society full of people that prefer to ignore the grief of those traversing "dead baby land" (as many BLM's call it - sorry to my husband if he is reading this - he is not a fan of that terminology).

So I have been slowly coming up with my own memorials that I can create to sell to other baby loss mommas. I am thinking of starting a blog dedicated to these items. Hoping that it may help others find ways to remember their children with my help. I will put the items on my website and my etsy store too but I thought it relevant to start a blog related specifically to BLM items. I'm thinking of calling it "Too Beautiful for Earth: Memorial Art" or something along those lines. Any suggestions would be appreciated about the name - comment away ;)  !!!

So here are my items I want to sell so far:

 Customized bracelets...

 Angel plaques - with name and date baby grew wings...

 Finished examples I made for my angels...

Accordian books - shown closed. (4.5 x 4.5 inches when folded!)

 Accordian book (I made for Peyton) it opens up and lays flat...

Two sides to decorate...

 and then it can fold up just like the picture at the top....

 Accordian book (I made for Riley) will be premade and/or made to order - mommas will then be able to decorate the books themselves....

two sides to decorate....

 and then it folds up...

Frames with quotes of any kind...

Canvas paintings...

More frames...

Plaques like the ones below except with "grew wings" above the dates...

I am also going to think of other ideas as time goes on I am sure. SOO what does everyone think? Is this a good idea? Would anyone actually find any of these items to be a good idea? A few said from the last post they liked the bracelet.... I would appreciate a comment from anyone who reads this! It would be really helpful to me! THANK YOU LADIES!

Making these items, doing Heaven's Doves (I had a new entry today but I will mention it again when she gives me her blog title so you can all send her some love), and reading blogs and writing my own really gets me through the day to day of my grief journey. Thank you to ALL you lovely ladies. You are a true blessing....

BRING ON THE COMMENTS! I need them!

On a side note:  My friend had her baby as scheduled (on Riley's due date)... it's bittersweet. I am THRILLED that she had her third child safely and all is well. Glad that some good could come of such an awful date. But at the same time - of course - it's gut wrenching...because it's not Riley that was born. Her boy is beautiful in the photos they posted today...perfect. I see those pictures and wish that was me. Wish that was Riley. Happy that someone can have a baby but I wish it was me. I am so so so happy for her and of course would never wish such grief on anyone. But it was a reminder of all I lost with both my children. Moments I will never experience. Firsts I will never have. Weight I will never hold against my chest. A reminder of such huge losses. Losses that can never be regained. Children I will never see on this green earth. The sadness is unbearable sometimes. Tiring. I told Nate yesterday that I wish I was exhausted and sleep deprived and I smelled like baby spit up right now. I wish that Riley was crying and keeping me up. I wish that the apartment was a mess and I was drained.... because I wish I had Riley. All those things may be happening IF I had Riley. And it would all be worth it. I hope to be a spit up smelling, sleep deprived momma one day soon. While I am sure when that day comes I will complain about being tired, etc.... I KNOW that I will be thrilled to have a baby. To have a child to rock and sing to... to have a baby here on earth. If my friend is reading this please realize I am so so happy for you and I can't wait to meet your little one but we spoke of this before when you told me of the scheduled c-section so I know that you understand. Thank you for that...

Mommy and Daddy love you Riley and Peyton! I hope that through my art I can help others remember there little ones the way it has helped me remember you both. I think of you every day and I always will. I wish you were with us now, that things were different but that's not that case. You are forever loved and missed! I love you both so very much!

Happy tears

The past couple days I have not written much. Small posts. I have been reading many blogs though and keeping up with all you lovely ladies and your lives. Making art for my babies and today I spent a lot of time with family. I went with my mom and my sister to a craft show in a nice historic town not far from us. We had a nice time. While there I took lots of pictures which has been a very positive change since my last miscarriage when our camera was often forgotten everywhere we went.

At one of the booths halfway through the show a woman told me my necklace was beautiful and asked me where I got it. I told her it was handstamped and it was for my babies in heaven. That I had a couple miscarriages in the past 7 months. She asked if we were still trying and I said yes as l could try we would try. She said she had also suffered two miscarriages. I did not have the courage to ask her if she had any children. I was too afraid that she would say they never had children. Too afraid to even put that thought into my head. To even consider that a possibility. But I was proud that I talked about Riley and Peyton in public to a perfect stranger without breaking down and sobbing. Without falling to the ground in broken pieces. This is a big step and I am glad it was on a good day a day where I had the strength to live through it. It didn't ruin my day which is a big step too.

Here is a picture :)

Me my mom and my sister at the craft show

Later after the craft show my family went to my cousin's wedding reception - they are SUCH a cute couple - I am so happy for them! Then we went to my family's house for what was supposed to be game night but my dad did not feel good and neither did Nate so that did not happen. We ate and me and my mom talked about the party we are going to have. She sells Longaberger and I make and sell jewelry and I will probably do henna tattoos for those of my friends that would like one.

So all in all today was a good day. I fear that it has been awhile since tears have come in large amounts and with what would have been Riley's due date looming over me and coming in two days I fear they will come. We will see. Until then I hope to have sweet dreams. I wish sweet dreams to you all....


"I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away. '
From the song Praise you in this storm by Casting Crowns


Mommy loves you Riley and Peyton. Whether others stop asking about you or forget you. We never will. I will tell your story at every chance I am given. You are my babies and you deserve that. Mommy and daddy love you so very much.

Plaque and others... (creative every day)

My plaque I made for Riley

My plaque I made for Peyton

Plaque before I put the name on it

detail - colors can be changed

My tattoo drawing. Lettering will be different and shading will be better 

 SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? :) I expect some reactions from my dear friends :)

I would write more but I am beyond exhausted. So I will sleep and look forward to my friends reactions :)

Goodnight Riley and Peyton, mommy loves you very very much. I hope you like your signs as much as I do! I will never ever forget you my loves!

Picture post (Creative Everyday)

This is my friends watching the "Bed Intruder Song" video last night - SO funny ;)

On the way to the clinic to get her shot

So I went with my aunt today to a clinic where they will give cats and dogs free rabies shots. I called my husband because I forget Gabby's paperwork. Well when I call him he tells me that the paperwork says she didn't need it till NEXT December : (  So basically... I am a crappy owner because I tortured my poor cat for no reason. The poor dear seems to love me again though so I guess all is not lost :) But I still feel really bad!

On the way home from the clinic - I was positive she hated me at this point ;)

All alone

Late bloomer

Lack of focus

hidden from sight

safe haven

a heart I walk by everyday

Most of the time this sign rings SO true!

 Tomorrow I will sing "I will carry you" by Selah in church. Tomorrow marks a month since we said goodbye to our second sweet baby. Another sweet child waiting in heaven. Tomorrow will by no means be easy. With God's grace and the courage he will give me I will make it through the song without crying in front of everyone. I know for a fact I will not make it after I sing it. I plan to go directly to the bathroom after I sing for I know the tears will need to come. Life is not easy right now. Tomorrow is a month since the second miscarriage and the 27th marks our first baby's due date. Even now I may have already had our sweet baby in my arms - even now it may have had the greatest love for such a small creation. I still have the greatest love for my both of my children. When I have a child one day, which I truly pray will happen, I will still say I am the mother of three and I will tell my baby's stories. 

Mommy and Daddy love you angels. I am going to tell a lot of people about you tomorrow. I will be singing a song in memory of both of you. You mean the world to me my loves. I will always love you and never forget you. Keep each other company until mommy and daddy can be there with you. Goodnight, mommy is sending you kisses and hugs, take care of each other!

Picture post (Creative Everyday) Water and lack thereof

I recently joined Creative Every Day so the goal now is to try to be more creative (obviously) I may start a page for those postings in the future but for now I am a bit to tired to write the post I was going to (will have to wait for tomorrow) so here are some pictures I took today and a bit of word association...

Beauty

I am not a gardener these WERE my only flowers... I gave up on them a month ago when I had my second miscarriage.

Permanent

Swaying in the wind

A different point of view

Old and forgotten

Down

Flying away

But staying close

Inside looking out

All alone

As I think I have mentioned before I can connect anything to my journey... these pictures are no different.